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“It’s adrenaline.” Sliding down, he lay with her, his face just a few inches away. “No one knows how they’ll handle these situations until they’re in them.”
“I was mad. Madder than I’ve ever been. My heart was going so fast, I… I tried to hurt them, to fight. I resented them for—and then I resented myself for being so weak and useless.”
“You’re neither.”
“How do you do it? Live with violence like that hanging over you every day? Are you ever scared?”
“Yes,” he said. Despite asking, she hadn’t expected such a direct answer. “When I found out it was you.” Another surprise. “My life has always been this. I’m aware it could end any time and made my peace with that long ago. But you…”
A man without vulnerability let her in and presented a weak spot to the world. Rather, she had presented it when she marched on into the precinct to free him.
“When did you know? That this wasn’t… that I wasn’t a slut on speed dial?”
“From the moment I laid eyes on you.”
Had she been so blind?
“And the blackmail was…?”
“Never meant to play out the way it did.”
Because she was a valuable asset. Or she could’ve been. Instead they got lost in their attraction.
“Stag has always felt safe. I don’t know why I—” She squeezed her eyes shut. What was she doing talking about this shit with Ire McDade? “Sorry, I’m—must be too much liquor.”
As she tried to roll away, he caught her face, pulling her back, bringing them closer. “Talk to me.”
“You don’t want to hear me ramble. I’ll figure out my—”
“Our. What’s in your head belongs to me. All of you belongs to me.”
And what peace that gave her. “You need a woman strong enough to handle her own shit.”
“I need a woman willing to open all of herself to me. Hold back and you’re just another extra, not worth my time.”
“I give all of myself to you. I’m also aware you deal with real stakes, life and death shit. I want your focus on avoiding prison so I don’t wake up lonely every day for the rest of my life.” His eyelid twitched, just a fraction, but the question was clear. “Yes, your hands will be the last my skin ever feels, prison or not.”
“Life on the lam?”
“The sex is incredible and you can cook. I’m locked in. No going back now.”
“You’re all in.”
Just like he said before, which got her to thinking.
“You want me to share everything, to open all of myself to you.” Her statement required no response. “I want to know you like no one else does. I’ll take Ire McDade, I want Ire McDade, I need him. He’s a part of who you are and I’m crazy about him. But he’s not all of you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. Ire McDade didn’t cook for me. He’s not the man swearing to take care of me and washing my hair. Ire McDade didn’t ask if he had to be careful downstairs or come kiss me in front of my family. I want Connel too.” Without a word, he stared into her. “Will you take me one day?”
“Take you where?”
“The island.”
“I haven’t been back for years.”
“It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, just… someday.”
