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“Walk away, Sullivan, before I finish rearranging the rest of your brain.”
I see Thorn stand up at that threat. Beside me, Avel also rises. I know I am starting some serious shit here, but also, am I? Am I starting something? Or am I saying what should have been said years ago? If there is anything worse than a poor leader, it is one who does not acknowledge how much damage their poor leadership has done. Sullivan will never take responsibility, but she wants the respect anyway. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.
Sullivan narrows her eyes at me. “Don’t threaten me, Raine.”
“Why? Because you don’t deserve fair warning?”
“When I heard you’d been taken, I was worried about you. I wanted you to be okay. Why can’t you ever understand that I do care, Raine?”
“Because I’ve held the lifeless body of a girl who deserved better in my arms, and I’ve known, for absolute certain, that if I had refused your orders, she would have been alive. My taking your captaincy saved lives, and I would do it again, and again, and again. I would sacrifice your life for those of the crew without the slightest hesitation.”
Sullivan stares me in the eyes. “I would rather you hit me than said those things.”
“I would rather you developed a conscience and apologized.”
“I have apologized! Again and again! You don’t hear me! You are too obsessed with hating me to hear any apologies I might make. You’ll never forgive me, will you?”
“Maybe that’s because what you did is unforgivable. Some failings stay with us forever, Sullivan.”
She looks at me and cocks her head to the side with that expression people get on their faces when they think they’ve had some sort of deep insight. “What can’t you forgive yourself for?”
My answer is swift and succinct.
“Following you.”
“Alright. I think that’s enough of that.” Avel stands up, picking me up in one arm and grabbing our plates in another. “One day, we may be able to share meals together in peace, Alpha Thorn. Today is not that day. Forgive us for our early retreat.”
“Forgiven, Avel,” Thorn says. There is an energy between the two saurian males that also speaks to unresolved issues, but they’re not going to be addressed today.
As I am carried out of the room, I hear Sullivan yelp. She’s in trouble. Good. I hope she gets her ass whipped so hard she can’t sit down for the next six months. There’s no amount of beating she does not deserve.
“You are lucky you have recently been terribly injured,” Avel says once he has me safely back in our private room. “If not, you would be in serious pain right now.”
He sits me down on the bed and hands me my plate. Curiosity and exasperation war on his face.
“I am in serious pain right now, if that helps,” I say. “But you can’t expect me to play nice with Sullivan. You don’t understand what’s happened between us. You don’t know what she’s done. I know it seems stupid because we’re throwing dinner, but trust me, that’s because we don’t have anything more dangerous. I won’t ever forgive her, and she won’t ever forgive me.”
Avel nods solemnly. “I understand.”
“Do you? I’ve never even told you.”
“I heard what you yelled at her, and that was rather suggestive, but you are right. You haven’t told me what caused such loathing in you. Tell me, Raine. Tell me everything.”
I take a little bite of dinner, and chew thoughtfully, wondering where to start. “Alright,” I say, swallowing. “Here’s what happened…”
9 THE HARD LASH
Raine
Six weeks later…
“Avel, come on. All of that was so long ago! You can’t possibly punish me for historical crimes.”
“I told you there would be a reckoning, and there will be.”
It is the middle of the night, and Avel has flown me to the Hall of Bones. I stand beneath the great arch of furious dead creatures and saurians, squirming in place on a dais on which I hoped never to stand.
Our wounds are mended, and we are physically fit. True to Avel’s word, I have not been permitted any sexual pleasure in this time. He has kept me chaste even when the both of us could barely stand it. I think he might actually have suffered more than me for not being able to express our love physically.
