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Placing the glass of water on the counter, I rest my hands on the surface and drop my head, shaking with grief, with guilt, with shame. It takes me a long time to pull myself together, the only spark of hope in this God awful situation is Drix’s confession.
He loves me, he loves us both.
And it’s with that knowledge that I’m able to gather the broken pieces of my heart back together, because buried beneath all the trauma, the pain and sadness, is a blossoming feeling that has grown stronger with every passing day in his company.
I think I might love Drix back.
“Is everything okay, Lia?” Daisy asks, stepping into the kitchen behind me.
I swipe at my eyes, forcing strength into my spine as I turn to face her. “Toby had a bad dream.”
“I’m so sorry, perhaps it was the movie?” Daisy says, a look of guilt on her face. “Even for a Smurf movie it had some grown-up themes…”
“It wasn’t the movie, Daisy,” I say, shaking my head.
“Then what was it?”
“He was crying because he remembers Martin hurting me. I didn’t protect him enough, Daisy. I didn’t protect him,” I cry, more tears falling unbidden down my cheeks.
“Oh no. I’m so sorry,” she replies, striding over to me and pulling me into her arms.
“How will I ever forgive myself?” I whimper, clutching hold of her as she strokes my back.
“This isn’t on you, Lia. Don’t blame yourself.”
“Who else should I blame? I’m his mother. I should’ve done more to protect him. I should’ve left earlier!”
Daisy pulls back, her fingers gripping my upper arms as she says fiercely, “This isn’t your fault. None of it, you hear me?! That man deserves to rot in Hell for what he’s done to you both.”
“But–”
“No, no buts. This isn’t your fault. You are a wonderful, kind woman. An incredible mother, Lia. God, how I wish I had a mum like you growing up. There isn’t anything that you could’ve done differently. I know you tried your best to protect Toby, and you have protected him. You found the courage to leave that bastard.”
“It hurts so much,” I whisper.
“I know, but it will get better,” she insists. “From this moment on you will let go of this terrible guilt I know you feel. You will dry your eyes, and you will get through this.”
“How can you be so certain?”
“Because you have my brother, and that man will do everything in his power to put you back together again.”
“This must be so traumatic for him,” I counter.
“Maybe so, but I think he finally needs to face his past, and perhaps this is the best way to do that with you and Toby to help him. You can heal together.”
“It isn’t fair to expect that from him.”
Daisy smiles gently. “Trust me when I say Drix will do whatever it takes to make you feel safe again. He spent his own childhood doing that for me.” She shakes her head. “I would never have made it through without him. He’s my rock, and he deserves someone to care for him, and some happiness of his own.”
“I can see that,” I agree, my heart aching for him, for all that he’s had to endure.
“And he cares for you a great deal,” Daisy replies, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear, before gently swiping at the tears on my cheeks. I can’t tell her how I feel about Drix, not before I’m brave enough to tell him myself. So I remain quiet, contemplating everything she’s said.
“Don’t let your past cloud your future happiness, Lia. Don’t let that bastard take any more of your power.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“I know, but you’re strong. I see that strength in you. I believe in you. Just like Toby does, just like Drix. Whilst you will always carry the scars of your past, Lia, you will learn a new normal, and live a beautiful life despite the trauma of your past.”
