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Just like Mom.
Our monsters may wear different faces. But they’re the same.
Arsen holds me tight; it takes some work for me to wiggle free. Once I do, he stands there with his arms at the ready, one step away from grabbing me again. It’s incredible that he can resist.
“I need some time to myself. This is all just … just so much to take in.”
The pain in his eyes cuts me. I’m used to seeing his pain by now. Most of my soul is covered in scars from our emotional war.
Twisting, I realize we’re not alone. Ulyana is standing in the doorway, watching us. Her hands are choking the front of her long, pleated skirt. Her concern rivals Arsen’s, turning her blue irises pitch black, the rest around them a blinding, bulging white.
I’ve seen this expression before. She’s terrified for us. The last time we fought, she had to help me slip away in a wooden box. And she has yet to tell me what punishments she suffered for helping me flee. I don’t plan to escape like that again. If I leave, it will be out the front door with my head held high before I go in search of my poor mother.
As I storm out of the kitchen, Ulyana’s eyes meet mine, then skid away.
She doesn’t speak to me as I pass. She doesn’t need to.
There’s nothing she can do for me anymore.
13
GALINA
It’s nice to have the freedom to explore the gardens. Ever since being back, I’ve noticed there are fewer guards lurking around. Arsen mentioned defectors. Perhaps that’s why it’s so barren now.
Wandering the rows of lush roses that hang, ever resilient, against the onslaught of winter brings me solace. But a cage is still a cage, even if you can see the sky.
What am I supposed to do?
Arsen has made his goal as clear as ever. It’s changed very little from what it started as. Yes, he wants Yevgeniy dead. He also wants to dismantle his sordid business like he did years ago. Both are noble things, especially once I think about the poor women forced to work in the brothels. Are all of them marked with tattoos like Mila?
Strolling around the curve of a water fountain, I notice the stream has been shut off to make sure the pipes don’t freeze. I wish it was still running at full force now. I’d have liked to sit on the edge of the smooth stone, listening to the bubbling water.
I’ve always loved the sound of running water. My mother used to chide me for letting the bath go for hours, accusing me of wasting water. She was concerned with the bill, no doubt.
Can’t blame her. We were too broke to indulge my silly fancies.
Sighing, I collapse onto the rim with my head in my hands. Mom ... what’s happening to you now?
I’m not sure if she’s in the same house or not. Yevgeniy could have moved her away with him and Ruslan. Just because I don’t know the way doesn’t mean he’d risk me figuring it out.
Are you missing me? Has Yevgeniy lied to you about what happened to me? The thought of her assuming he did something awful to me sends my pulse haywire. The bastard could easily lie and say I’m dead. Would that make her easier to control? Without me by her side, what could still give her hope?
Please stay strong, mamochka.
I’m coming back for you.
And when I finally do see her again, will her whole body be coated in bruises as a reminder of the horrors she had to endure in Yevgeniy’s presence? That monster has a sick way of holding her accountable for her life choices. If it escalates, she could be left with more than bruises. The idea has my insides shifting. I twist, and I hope I don’t vomit in the dry fountain.
“Galina.”
Arsen has come up from behind a nearby hedge. The sun is low in the sky, mushing the clouds into a slurry of pastels. The color blends along his jawline and the tailored shoulders of his black wool jacket. It shines across his hair as the wind teases it. He’s as beautiful as the roses … No, more.
I jump to my feet. “What do you want?” I ask sharply.
He doesn’t come closer. He stays by the hedge. “I want to apologize for what I did.”
“You’ll have to be more specific,” I say grimly.
