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The whole last two months had been bittersweet, in fact.
Throwing myself into work only worked when I had something to do; today, I didn't.
That was nice because I needed a break, but it also left me vulnerable to my emotions. I'd kept my mind occupied all morning by reading fanfiction, but my eyes were beginning to protest how much I'd gazed at the screen, so I needed to find something else to do.
I stood at the counter, sullenly chewing on my warmed-up quesadilla.
Without anything to distract me, I kept thinking about Richard, something I did not want to think about. I wished I had my cross-stitch or something to keep me occupied, but my supplies, like all other necessities, were in the house. The one I couldn't get to.
Would the Marinos even call to tell me when it was safe? They'd all been friendly to me after the breakup, but that was while I was still representing Fabrizio. If it was an act, they might quit it right now.
That thought stung. I didn't know them very well, but I liked them. They had welcomed me into their home with wide arms despite their own security crisisand had been hesitant to let me go.
I was just tired of being abandoned, that’s all.
I shook my head, sighing angrily at myself. This was not helping. Maybe it’s time for more Pride and Prejudice, along with more than a little wine. I was off, and tomorrow was Saturday anyway. I could do what I wanted.
Just as I started pouring myself a glass, there was a knock on the door. I pinched my lips together, aggravated. It had to be Jen, again, coming back on her lunch break and realizing she had left her keys the way she always did. I’d asked her what she had done before I was there and was appalled to learn how much she spent on locksmiths each month.
The knock came again, and I tried to breathe out slowly to calm myself. I wasn’t mad at Jen; I was just tired of sharing space and was worn down emotionally from everything I’d been going through. “I’m coming,” I called so she wouldn’t knock again. I just needed a second to settle my emotions before I opened the door and snapped at her for nothing.
I didn’t want to do that to her. She was the one person in the world I knew I could count on for anything, and I didn’t want to drive a wedge between us, even if she would be understanding about it. Another deep breath, and I forced the storm down. Content I had enough self-control not to fuck up the best friendship in my life, I opened the door.
I slammed the door.
No. No, absolutely not. There was no way in hell.
I looked through the peephole. My traitorous heart skipped a beat, even as my stomach flopped unpleasantly. I hadn’t seen things; Richard really was standing outside the door in a goddamn suit, wine bottle in hand, as he rocked back and forth uncomfortably. He looked so good—absolutely perfect, really, the dark gray pinstripes elongating his already tall form and his hair artfully arranged.
What the hell was he doing? He knew this was an average apartment complex, right? If there was anyone in the hall, I was sure they were gawping at him like he was a zoo animal.
What the hell was I doing, being worried about that when my ex showed up uninvited?
I saw him raise his hand to knock again and yanked the door open before he could.
He looked down at me wide-eyed, hand still hovering in the air uselessly as I glared up at him.
“I don’t want wine,” I bit, ignoring the glass currently sitting on the counter that said otherwise. Richard gulped.
“What about an apology?” he asked.
I shouldn’t listen to him. I shouldn’t let him in. He hurt me and hurt me badly, and he did it for absolutely no reason, and I couldn’t just move past that.
But there was that damnable spark, the same one I felt the first time I laid eyes on him, that drew me to him like a moth to a flame and whispered,’ What if you could have this? What if he means it?’
I stepped tensely to the side, and Richard sighed gratefully.
“This had better be damn, damn good,” I bit out, crossing my arms the moment the door closed behind him.
“I fucked up,” he said immediately. I scoffed. “I was blaming you for something that wasn’t your fault, and I knew it as I was saying it, but I wasn’t being rational. I thought I’d talk to you in the morning after I’d calmed down, but you weren’t there. That was when I started to realize how badly I had hurt you.”
“So if I’d stayed, you would have tried to sweep it under the rug?” I demanded. Richard cringed.
“…Yeah, probably,” he admitted, ashamed. I could admit I hadn’t been expecting him to say that, but I didn’t let it throw me too far off. “In my world, you say things you don’t mean, apologize when you put your head back on straight, and move on. I’m not used to watching my words when I’m angry because everyone I know knows not to take me seriously when I’m like that, so I just never stopped to think about how much damage I could do. I’m not trying to say that makes it okay. I know it doesn’t. I just want you to know that I know what I did and what I need to work on.” I looked at him critically; that was a promising start, but not enough.
“And?” I asked.
“And I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions,” Richard said, like it had been on the tip of his tongue. “You tried to tell me Fabrizio was guilty, and I didn’t believe you. I kept not believing you, even at the trial, until I could finally talk to him, and he gave me the truth. It shouldn’t have taken that. You were incredible in there yesterday, by the way.”
