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I needed to know. If my team was going to this ‘party’ with the Blood Mages, I had to be sure about the odds of us walking back out. And Carl would give it to me straight.
He let out a breath. “Real not good, Max.”
Fuck.
“How are we going to fix this?” I asked.
There was a long pause before Carl responded. “You can step down as team lead for this one, Max.”
I wasn’t sure I heard him right. “What?” Why?
“You can walk away.
You can walk away?
“I have the order, on my desk, that would explain it all away. There would be no questions asked. You can… walk away.”
You can walk away.
The offer rings between my ears now, a grating sound that irritates me. Carl would have spared my life, but forsaken three others. One of which is my brother, the other two now practically as close. Asha probably closer. My fists clench at my sides.
This is, in fact, a suicide mission.
Carl all but confirmed that with his thoughtless proposal. And while I might have charged into that danger regardless in a past life, I now see the promise of a future one. A life outside work. A life extrapolated from the nightly respite we’ve created for ourselves on the road. I never would’ve thought I’d have these desires, but then I met Asha, reunited with my twin brother, and had Orson thrown into the mix, somehow tying everything together with his unique blend of ebullience and thoughtfulness.
But dread descends on our little dream like shadows around a campfire. Our connection is strong, but our future is fragile. Just when I allow hope into my life, a great threat comes along to snuff it out.
I suppose that’s the gamble with hope, and probably why I never held any. How are we going to make it through this? The question bounds between the dark, spindly branch-ends like a taunting imp I might quash if only I held the answer.
Ever since that phone call, I’ve been driving toward our destination, unsure about whether I could actually take us there. Thinking about if there’s anything I can say to my team to convince them that we don’t need to do this, that someone else, some yet to be seen person, can handle Simon and the rest of the Blood Mages.
If I thought they would walk away with me, I might just do it. But I don’t. And if I suggest it, I might just undermine their confidence, something they can’t afford for me to do right now.
But can I do this? I can’t lead us into certain death just so the Enforcers can swoop in to clean up the bodies. Carl’s probably thanking his lucky stars he didn’t do what his gut told him to with Asha and kept her in the field, because now he’s got a dedicated warrior who’s going to see the mission through no matter what. Two birds one stone, as far as he’s concerned. Collapse the whole clusterfuck in on itself and wipe his hands clean of it.
So, I can’t lead us to our death, but I can’t just walk away either.
The door behind me creeps open and a slight figure emerges. Moonlight glows on Asha’s pale flesh, turning her silvery hair practically incandescent. She’s dressed in her pajamas, a pair of thin, cheeky cotton shorts and a spaghetti strap top that stops above her navel. “What are you doing?” I ask. “It’s cold out and you’re half naked.”
“I have you to hold me,” she says, pressing against me with a little smile.
I close my arms around her and feel the warmth radiating off her soft body. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“Kept thinking of you out here brooding,” she says with a smirk. “You looked cute in my head, but I wanted to come out and see if I was right.”
I scoff. “Were you?”
“Underestimated, actually.” She lifts herself onto her tiptoes and tilts her face towards mine. I lay my lips against hers and we breathe each other in as we kiss. She sighs contentedly. “Now, pack your dark clouds away and come with me back to bed, Max Blackwell.”
At any other time, I’d love to do that, but I can’t tuck my thoughts away right now. “I was thinking about what Carl said to me.”
She looks disappointed that I would mention his name, but asks anyway, “What did he say to you?”
I debate about whether or not I should keep this to myself. I’m good at keeping things to myself. That’s one of the many reasons I’ve always done well working alone. I didn’t need to bounce my ideas off of someone else or clear my conscience, but Asha has changed all that. Now, my dark thoughts are weighing me down, urging me to share them with someone else.
Saying to hell with my internal debate, I speak. “He told me I could exit the mission if I so chose.”
Her eyebrows lift. “Like, ditch your team?”
