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“Oh, great!” Wren mutters, throwing her arms up into the air. “Then I guess he’s gonna camp out there for another few years.” She turns to me with her eyes blazing. “No need to look for preschools or anything—I’m sure, by the time he comes out, he’ll be ready to leave for college.”
I hide my laugh. She’s cute when she’s overwhelmed.
Joining her at her side, I run my hand along her back. “Stop stressing about this. Just enjoy the quiet while you can. In a few weeks, we’ll have a screaming infant in the house and you’ll wish you were back to being pregnant.”
“Ha!” she snorts in my face. “Please. I will never wish for that. I never want to be pregnant again! What was I thinking, agreeing to do this for Rose and Jared? I mean, it’s so not worth it if you don’t get to keep the baby afterwards.”
I turn to Dr. Liza with an eyebrow raise. “Is there anything we can do to make her more comfortable? Maybe even encourage the baby to come a little sooner?”
“Yeah!” Wren nods eagerly. “Yeah, that!”
Dr. Liza gives Wren a gentle pat on the leg. “I’m sure you’re already aware of the natural labor inducers. I always recommend nice, long walks to my patients. Acupuncture can work, too. Sex is often?—”
“Sex!” Wren interrupts. “Doctor, we’ve been humping like rabbits for days now and nothing’s happening.” She looks down at her big belly with disappointment, too irritated to be embarrassed about something that would’ve mortified her not too long ago. “I’ve walked around the apartment so many times I’ve gotten dizzy and I’ve had three acupuncture appointments in the last week alone.”
“So you’ve done your research.”
She locks eyes with the doctor and says in the most solemn voice I’ve ever heard from her, “I’m desperate.”
“I understand. The last stage of pregnancy is always the hardest. But I must say, you’re doing spectacularly well, Wren.” She turns to me and gives me a sly wink. “And that goes for you, too, Dad. You’ve done an amazing job of creating a calm, safe space for her. Her vitals are strong and her blood pressure is normal. She’s healthy as a horse and in prime shape for giving birth.”
“You hear that, baby boy?” Wren croons, looking down at her belly and poking it from both sides. “Everything’s all set for your arrival. There is literally not one single thing you need to wait on.”
I wrap my arm around Wren and pull her into my chest. “You can’t really blame him,” I whisper into her ear.
“Why the hell not?” she snaps.
“Speaking as a man who’s been inside you, it’s really fucking hard to come back out again.”
The instant blush turns her pale skin into a deep shade of auburn. But it worked; she’s smiling again. Which means I’ve done my job.
And like everything else about being with Wren…
It feels right.
30
WREN
“These are the dumbest instructions I’ve ever seen in my life. I banish you to the shadow realm.” With an angry snort, I ball up the offending piece of paper and launch it across the living room.
I’ve been on my ass on the floor for almost an hour trying to get this damn bassinet together and my butt cheeks are starting to go numb. It was never supposed to be this way.
It all looked so damn simple when I first read through the instructions. Even still, at first, I was gonna wait for Dmitri to get home. But then I thought, No! I am a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need to rely on a man for every little thing. I can set up the bassinet on my own, right? Right, ladies?!
Wrong.
Turns out: very, very wrong.
It doesn’t look a bit like the “safe and happy nesting place for your precious baby” that the instruction manual promised. It looks more like a Saw-inspired deathtrap that ends with a visit from Social Services.
Love that for me. My baby’s not even born yet and already, I’m failing at motherhood. Maybe that’s why this baby doesn’t want to come out yet: he’s nervous as hell that I’m stick him in a crib that functions more like a French Revolution guillotine.
I’ve been telling myself that the hormones are what’s wrong with me today. But repeating that to myself hasn’t exactly helped make a difference. Didn’t I used to be handy? I helped Jared build an entire freaking wall cabinet once. Rose didn’t do jack shit—Jared and I tackled that thing like we had HGTV cameras filming every bit of our expertise.
Where did that confidence go?
And if I can’t do that simple thing, then how can I expect to keep this little one safe and protected once he’s out of me? I’ve been kidnapped twice already and that was just while he was inside me. God only knows what the future might hold. What failures might be lurking just around the bend.
