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“I would do it again, too,” he admits against my lips. “Over and over again.”
Breathing out a heady sound, I relax against his chest, listening to his heartbeat as I fall asleep.
52
Our Tribe
Noah
Hetty and I don’t leave our place under the oak tree for three days. Mostly, I keep my knot in her, moving slowly and savoring the feel of her. We exist only in each other’s eyes. A fulfilling life of leisure and solitude. At first, it feels indulgent—like we’re doing something we shouldn’t be—but that subsides eventually. Then, it’s just right. Normal, even.
We have everything we need here, anyway.
We wash in the cold water from the brook.
We pick ripe blackberries and eat them.
At night, we sleep peacefully, wrapped in each other’s arms under the pale moonlight. And during the day, we lie naked in the webbed sunlight shining through the oak tree’s branches, and talk.
At first, we don’t talk about anything tangible, like her parentage or who I killed in my quest to find her. No, instead, we remind each other of stories from our shared past. Growing up and getting into trouble.
Simpler times. Like tricks she and Stella would play on me. Her grandmother, lurking around, always suspicious. Wyatt, always so quiet and unapproachable. And Jason, so sweet and goofy.
And the more time that passes, the more everything else fades away. Arguments, death, and secrets. Everything is inconsequential. It’s easier to look at what happened during those last hours in Goldenrod and try to consider them objectively.
“Wyatt said that we were built to be violent creatures.” It’s the third night since we left Goldenrod, and we’re lying under the tree on the soft moss. The full moon shines silvery and bright between the tree branches. The insects, brook, and wind provide a sweet song, and my voice is a whisper against her head resting on my chest. “He said we were created for killing.”
She traces her fingers over the grooves in my chest and hums, the soft vibration resonating on my rib cage. “You’re the least violent person I’ve ever met, Noah.” She breathes out a laugh. “You think too much to be really violent.”
“Well, that’s the thing…” I hesitate, unsure how to admit this to her. “Remember when I told you that I liked it? Killing?”
“Yes, but only because you wanted to get to me, right?” She hoists her shoulder up, resting on her elbow as her light hair cascades around her face, pooling on my chest. I twine a strand in between my fingers, enjoying the softness. Maybe it’s because I’m touching her—looking at her—that I’m able to say it.
“I think I would have liked it anyway,” I admit, my heart pounding through my chest. “It felt natural.”
Her brows jump up her forehead. “You want to kill more people?”
I nod. “I felt powerful—more so than ever before. It was like I became the person I was always meant to be. A killing … monster.”
She doesn’t seem shocked. Instead, humming, she strokes my cheek lightly, her fingers petting the bristles on my cheek, and her blue eyes flashing in the moonlight. “Well, I think you’re more complex than that.”
My voice catches in my throat. “Oh yeah?”
“Yes, I’ve always said you’re noble, but you’re also kind of sulky and judgmental. People have more than one side.” She smiles wide. “Anyway, what kind of killing monster hates Rill like you do but never once tried to actually kill him?”
I breathe out a laugh. “I’d kill him if I thought I could actually beat him.”
She sighs, tilting her head. “But like you said, you did those things because you wanted to get to me, right?”
I nod. I’ll never forget those hours in Goldenrod and the journey to find her.
“See? It’s not as simple as just wanting to kill for the sake of killing … even if you did like it. You have the self-awareness and the consciousness to stop yourself from giving in to your worst instincts. Maybe the alphas in the past didn’t have that, but you’ve broken the mold.” She tilts her head. “Maybe all alphas today have.”
“What do you mean?”
“If alphas were created to be violent and unfeeling, that’s obviously not true anymore. Look at how much the alphas we know care about their mates. Even Rill. He’s obsessed with Elizabeth, and you…” She smiles brightly. “You’re the most honorable, gentle alpha I know.”
I blew out a laugh. “I don’t know if that’s completely true.”
