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“No,” I agree quietly. “It can’t.”
“I also think we should address the deficiencies in the Order forthwith.” There’s a weighted silence as we wait for him to explain how we should do that—he’s obviously got a plan. “Administrator Sage, I recommend you release all the new alphas and their mates.”
I hear a light gasp—probably from Elizabeth—as I exchange a glance with Wyatt. “Our sister is mated with one of those alphas,” he says gruffly, not looking at Marcus.
“So am I,” says Elizabeth weakly.
Marcus throws up his hands like it can’t be helped. “It’s for the sake of the Order. Surely, you’re all willing to sacrifice for the longevity of Goldenrod.”
The only person who seems unfazed by this news is Rill. “So that’s how you think this works?” he asks. “You tell them all these numbers and you get all this shit.”
The words echo blankly in my skull.
“Yes, each quarter, we work with the Administrator to record how well we’ve maintained the Order,” Wyatt finally answers after several seconds of buzzing silence, “as well as the needs for the following quarter. And then he communicates with … the outside.”
I flex my arms inside my too-tight jacket, my heart pounding wildly. Why did I think I could pull this off?
I close my eyes and think of Hetty, lying in her bed and staring up at me with fiery eyes. But quickly, the image is replaced by her face, downtrodden in the study after I rejected her touch.
I wish I could go back to that moment and tell her that it wasn’t safe for me to touch her. Then maybe she’d understand it would only end in her—
“Noah!”
Wyatt’s voice snaps me out of my daze. When I come to, sweat is beaded on my forehead, and everyone is staring at me.
“What?” I wheeze, glaring at my brother.
“Have you made contact yet?” Wyatt asks slowly, as if it’s not the first time he’s asked me that question.
“No,” I say, clearing my throat. “I don’t know—I mean, I haven’t found anything—” I suck in a deep breath. “There’s not an obvious way to—”
I stop stuttering as a cold sweat breaks out under my collar where I can feel my pulse thumping violently. Everyone is still watching me, waiting for me to tell them all the answers. I open and close my mouth a couple times, but nothing comes out.
I don’t have anything to say.
Suddenly, Rill leans back in his chair and rubs his eyes with his palms as he’s overcome by a loud, rough sound that racks through his body with a cynical, knowing energy.
He’s laughing at me.
“You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?” he asks when he finally slows down enough to speak. “That fucking figures.”
“Rill,” Elizabeth reprimands him quietly, looking around the table nervously.
“I was hoping there’d be something else to it,” Wyatt says quietly, looking down at his plate blankly. “But what are you saying, Noah? That the only reason we’ve survived this long is because Beebalm was … one of them?”
“One of whom?” Joanna gasps.
“Wanna know my prediction?” Rill asks, watching me pointedly as he leans forward, pointing at me with his fork. “The delivery isn’t coming, and you’re all fucked.”
“Why shouldn’t we expect the delivery?” Marcus barks. “The numbers will show that we’ve followed the Order meticulously.”
Mother nods sagely. “As much as I hate to agree with Marcus, I think he’s right. You just need to try harder, Noah. Once they see how well we’ve maintained the Order, I’m sure the delivery will arrive right on time.”
“The Order doesn’t matter!” Rill yells. “Your numbers are pointless! The only reason this has gone on for so long is because Beebalm was one of them. Now he’s dead, and none of you fuckers know what you’re doing.” He pauses, his eyes settling on Wyatt before he clears his throat and glances at me. “It’s over. Accept it or die.”
“Father, what is this alpha talking about?” Joanna drops her fork and looks at Marcus, alarmed and pleading.
“Don’t listen to him, Joanna,” Marcus booms before turning to Rill. “I’ll have you released tonight for this blasphemy.”
