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It wasn’t until last week that it really clicked why I find his behavior so off-putting.
He’s enjoying this.
He doesn’t have the same fear thrumming in his blood that the rest of us do. Looking at him now, smoothing his suit jacket over his deflated belly and smiling smugly, I know the first thought that crossed his mind when he woke up this morning wasn’t anything like mine…
Are we going to die today?
“They’re ready for you now, Administrator,” he says, ignoring my siblings and adding a dollop of acquiescence to his words. He treats me like I need that from him. Like he’s doing me some great favor by pretending to bow down to me.
“Thank you, Marcus,” I murmur, clearing my throat and adjusting my tie. “I’m coming.”
“I’ll just go make the announcement then,” he hums, turning to nod briefly at Wyatt and Stella, his lips pressed in a self-satisfied smile.
Stella watches him in confusion, and before he’s even gone, she turns to me, bewilderment twisting her face. “Who’s he again?”
“Marcus Catmint,” I grit out. “The head of the alpha council.”
She sneers. “Joanna’s father? Those two are so weird. Living way down on Spruce Street by themselves. I always thought they were a little too close, if you know what I mean—”
“Stella!” Wyatt cuts her off, and she pauses, her elaborate eyebrow wagging. “Don’t be inappropriate.”
She throws her hands in the air. “I’m just saying! Maybe we don’t want Joanna Catmint and her creepy father telling us how to run things.”
“Look, that’s not why we’re here,” Wyatt says dismissively, his eyes burning holes in me. “Goldenrod can handle this, Noah, but only if we’re prepared.”
I shake my head. “What they need is the Order—more than ever. Half the shit you’ve told me about what it’s like outside…” I trail off as the choking sense of doom falls over me again. “It would break them to find out how close we are to…”
Death.
My veins run cold. I can’t even say it. Hetty’s face flashes in my mind. The thought of her lying motionless in the woods. Of being used by whoever exists outside Goldenrod and then discarded and killed.
“No, I won’t let that happen,” I say passionately before turning back to the window. I don’t want them to see my face as I inhale deeply, trying to wipe the images from my mind.
I need to get a hold of myself before I go out there.
Wyatt says something else, and Stella, too, but I’m not listening as my eyes dart over the crowd. Marcus endlessly drones on until, finally, I hear his voice become gradually louder before he calls out, “Our Administrator of Order, Noah Sage!”
It’s time.
“Wyatt, Stella, thanks for coming by,” I say, turning and nodding once at each of them. “But I have to go.”
“Noah.”
“Wait just a minute—”
Wyatt says my name at the same time as Stella makes one last-ditch effort to stop me, but I’m already gone. At least they don’t follow me into the hallway. Instead, they stay behind in the office, arguing with each other.
I block them out. Laying my hand on the warm metal door handle, I inhale a deep, bracing breath. Before I change my mind, I push the door open.
Squinting as soon as the bright sunlight hits my face, I step forward blindly. Barely registering Marcus standing off to the side, smiling cheerfully, my eyes focus on the crowd spread before me on Dogwood Street.
Strangely, Goldenrod and its people look both the same and completely different. There’s a washed-out quality about all the faces staring back at me. They’re all drawn and pale, and the low sounds of murmured conversation disappear much too quickly.
I see people I’ve known my entire life—Travis Rose, who I used to chase frogs with in Bluestem Meadow, and Suse Berry, who I once heard call my mother uppity when we passed her in Coriander’s. But funnily enough, I don’t see Rill or any of his ilk … I guess they’re not interested in my platitudes.
There’s not a single voice to compete with when I stand on the edge of the top step and open my mouth.
“Thank you for coming today,” I begin, my voice loud and strained to my own ears. “I know many of you are scared. But I’m here to assure you that you have no reason to worry.”
