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“Yeah. She had it coming.” One of the men nodded, nibbling on his antipasto bruschetta. “I mean, the woman had some nerve, accusing you of stealing her garments.”
“You’re not even the same size. She gainedsomuch weight this year.” One of the women stabbed at her cocktail’s ice cubes with her straw, leaning forward. “Is it true, by the way? Is she a size six now? One of her stylists told me she could barely squeeze her into a sizefour pencil skirt the other day. Keto, my ass. This woman eats carbs. Probably every day.”
Poppins frowned. “Gretchen’s problem was never the size of her body. It was always the size of her gob.”
No complaints here,but I had a different experience with Gretchen’s oral skills.
“So, are you going to sue her or something?” one of the talking heads wondered. This was officially the Mean Girls Olympics.
“No.” Duffy reached to smooth out her folded napkin on the table. “I know I overreacted. I shouldn’t have ... you know, gone bonkers. I was under a lot of pressure.”
The entire table nodded solemnly. Now that it was clear Duffy wasn’t on suicide watch and wasn’t going to spend the entire dinner shitting all over her former boss’s reputation, everyone quickly lost interest.
I knocked down two more glasses of wine, wondering why people held a liquid that was made by people stomping on fruitbarefootto a higher standard than a perfectly hygienic beer made in a brewery. Maybe my new neighbor, Charlie, would have good input on that.
“So, are you guys, like, together?” Clone Woman One motioned between Duffy and me with her finger.
Poppins looked ready to barf again. “Quite.”
I draped my arm over Duffy’s seat, grinning winningly. “We’re very much together. I mean, how could I resist the temptation? Duffydiddump her long-term boyfriend for me.”
If I was going to lie through my teeth, I was going to have a good time doing it.
Duffy slammed her heeled foot over mine under the table, unimpressed and unafraid to break my bones.
“Why’d you break up with BJ?” Clone Man Two asked.
“Was it because he was a mouth breather?” Clone Woman Two inquired.
“Was it because he wore a trilby in the winter?” Clone Woman One shuddered.
“He didn’t breathe from his mouth, and I thought the trilby was sort of adorable.” Duffy kept her composure as she answered their questions. “As for your main question, I suppose we grew apart. I do wish him all the best. He is in Nepal now.”
“Nepal? IloveItalian food,” Clone Woman One exclaimed.
“That’s Napoli,” I drawled into my drink.
No wonder Duffy didn’t collect any friends at WNT. These people had the combined IQ of a trash can.
“Wow. You’re so smart,” Clone Woman One purred, batting her lashes at me. “Guess it’s true what they say. All the good ones are taken, huh?”
After this inspiring conversation, Duffy insisted we all take pictures together. The scene seemed as organic as synthetic grass, with my fake fiancée insisting we all squeeze into a few photos and smile. Luckily, these people loved taking photos of themselves.
“Hey, weren’t you in Gretchen’s office the other day?” Clone Man Two snapped his fingers, pointing at me. “Shit, it’s you! I’d recognize those forearms anywhere.”
And just like that, in a crapalicious turn of events, our cover was blown.
Instinctively, Duffy slipped her hand under the table and squeezed my fingers. Her palm was small, hot, and sweaty.
I felt a smidge of solidarity toward her. Enough to throw Gretchen under the bus. I mean, the womandidask me to sacrifice my life and freedom and marry a complete stranger for her career’s sake. That classified as her throwing me under a tank.
“Yeah.” I slipped an oyster into my mouth. “Came to give her a piece of my mind. Nobody treats my lady this way.”
“You did?” Clone Woman Two fanned herself dreamily.
“Duffy had been hurt and upset over Gretchen’s behavior, and I wasn’t gonna sit there and watch her take it.” I used my arm on Duffy’s armrest to stroke her hair. Amazingly, she didn’t light my limbs on fire.
“Ohmigod, she wassucha nightmare to our Duffy. It was terrible to watch.” Clone Woman Two pouted. Then, without being prompted, she added, “You know word around town is that she’s cheating on her husband?”
