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For the rest of my life…
The words echoed in my head, drowning out every other sound. For the rest of my life. Was I willing to take that risk? To live with the pain of never seeing him again? Never kissing him or hearing him call me baby?
The realization hit me with the force of a moving car. I couldn't. If there was a choice between being happy and being sane, then I chose madness.
"Yeah?" My dad smiled, seeing the look in my eyes. "Go get your man."
I threw my arms around him, overwhelmed with emotion. "I love you, Dad."
"I love you too, sweetheart."
Pulling away from him, I nodded. I was doing this. Finally, choosing happiness.
I started for the door with a destination in mind, knowing my dad would explain my absence to my mom and brother.
But first, I needed to retrieve something.
twenty-seven
Aaron
I sat at my desk in my room, staring blindly at the code I'd written for the software I was working on. I had no idea how I'd managed to come this far with all the thoughts in my head threatening to tear me apart.
I just finished replying to the Pikes’ email and wired them some money—they still protested whenever I offered to send them money—which I did every month. Then I closed my mail and switched off my laptop.
Jeff would have my ass when he next saw me. I'd given him the impression that I would be attending the opening night, knowing I would not show up the second the date was scheduled.
Well, he would just have to wait till next Monday. Seeing Felicity every day but not being able to fucking touch her was a worse kind of pain than I'd imagined.
It made me think that maybe she was right. Maybe love was stupid. Maybe it was a pointless venture that just left one hurt.
Hadn't my parents’ marriage taught me anything? Granted, theirs had been an unlikely relationship, especially since my father had thought it a great idea to marry and have a kid with a junkie he knew he would eventually tire of.
With Felicity, one could say it was the hope that had hurt the most. That little spark of excitement was in my chest whenever we were together, and she gave me a glimpse into her soul through those cracks in the wall.
I'd made myself believe that she just needed a little more time. She'd been hurt, and when shit like that happened, one tended to be weary of who they let close to them.
That afternoon when everything fell apart for me, was eye-opening, to say the least. Just one look at her told me I was barking up the wrong tree. And for what?
Fucking hope.
She told me in her own words that she was damaged, and I didn't believe her. Well, lesson learned. When someone tells you what kind of person they are, believe them.
Sighing, I headed downstairs to pour myself a glass of whiskey. Earlier, I'd baked a red velvet cake out of boredom, but I was too tired to eat it.
I was too out of it to do much lately. Baking seemed like a chore now, and even coding couldn’t make me forget my pathetic state.
Armed with a glass of whiskey in one hand and the bottle in another, I walked into my spacious living room. Now that the development of the game was over, my days had become bleak.
I'd initially thought getting over Felicity wouldn't be this difficult, but it had been three months, and I was still fucked up in the head. For the first few weeks, the anger had helped. That lasted about a week before I hung on to my dignity like a lifeline.
I'd even gone out with Arjun on several occasions with the thought of fucking someone else. Maybe if I fucked her out of my system, all this sentimental nonsense would end. Getting the women wasn't difficult. In fact, it was the easiest part. But every single time, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
How could I get rid of the shape of Felicity’s face and fill it with that of some random stranger when she was the only one I wanted? Her smell haunted me. Her taste was a constant source of torture. I craved it like my next breath, yet I knew I would never have it again.
I still caught myself thinking about her, hoping—that she was as miserable as I was though that was a stretch.
Given how amazing she looked lately, I'd say she was living her best life.
