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"Fine. If that's your wish, then I'll respect it," he replied, and although it sounded more like a question, he would stick to it until I changed my mind.
He didn't know I had long since changed my mind, but I couldn't tell him that.
The moment I turned to leave, I heard him whisper behind me: "As if we could have done anything else. You fool!"
He had spoken the words so quietly I shouldn't have heard them. I didn't know whether fate had nevertheless sent them to me with a breeze, but they gave me exactly the certainty I needed to stick to my decision.
We couldn't choose each other because we weren't meant for each other. Our worlds were so different, and our lifespans were not those of the other. He lived in the underworld, an immortal god who would never age.
And who was I to be worthy of a god?
"You mustn't even think such things!" growled Tanael behind me. He tugged on my arm and turned me back to him. "Do you understand me? No way! Because it's not true!"
I stared at him in confusion. I had once sensed that he had invaded my thoughts, but I had forgotten it, as I had never had that feeling again. Now, I could clearly feel his fingerprint in my thoughts. The expected anger did not materialize.
There were only his words left, glowing softly inside me.
Dazed, I nodded silently. The next moment, he let go of me, and the dome around us dissolved. Silently, he turned around and walked back to my brother, while I felt a new strength inside me—a power created by his words.
CHAPTER 18
Istayed in the pavilion for a moment and took enough time to collect myself. Then I followed him.
When I got to the men, I heard my brother ask the God of the First Light, "Is this what paradise looked like?"
"Paradise is a place where you are in harmony with yourself. Where the sun meets the moon, and darkness kisses the light. Where harmony, peace, and love are not just words. Paradise lies within yourself. It is still within everyone's reach, yet it is somewhere else for everyone," replied Tanael. Chris gazed at him in surprise.
"So, it's not a place, but a state," he summarized what he had heard in amazement.
"People were told that they had been cast out of paradise because of their sins. Later, these were attributed to women, but by then, all was lost. It's the same as telling a small child every day that its nose is crooked. At some point, the child believes it so much that when it looks in the mirror, it sees a crooked nose. Mankind believed they were not worthy of paradise. This feeling of worthlessness alone made it impossible for them to find their way back there," explained Tanael.
"What a cruel God," Chris whispered, his disappointment clearly visible on his face. Although I wouldn't call myself a believer, I understood him.
"As with humans, there are good and bad beings among the gods. Those among them who created life and paradise were not the same as those who did not grant mankind this place. Look at yourselves! Each of you is a miracle, created from just two cells, so tiny, almost nothing. How could a being who creates such a miracle be cruel simultaneously? Cruelty is geared towards destruction and hatred, not creation and love." The angel stared at us urgently. "So, don't judge too soon."
Thoughtfully, Chris kicked a stone along the path to the house. He was in conflict with himself, with himself and his Bible. He had studied the teachings of God for years, and now suddenly there was supposed to be more than one God, and paradise was not a place, but a mental state?
"The Bible says you were God's first son and yet he banished you to the underworld because you rebelled against him. Where was his goodness then? His forgiveness?" the priest retaliated. I could see from the steep crease on his forehead that his head had already found the angel's information to be true, but his heart, which beat for his profession and his God, still needed time.
Tanael sighed, and at first, I thought he wouldn't answer Chris's questions, but I was wrong.
"As I mentioned, there were more gods than just one, including me at the beginning of time," he explained patiently.
My brother's eyes widened. Realization made its way to the surface of his irises.
"Lucifer. The light. The first light," he murmured before looking at his counterpart in awe.
"And God said: Let there be light! And there was light. And God saw that the light was good," he recited the passage from Genesis. "That was you?"
"That was me," Tanael confirmed, and his gaze flitted briefly toward me.
"But ... but," stammered the priest, now confused. "But then, how did you become an angel?"
"They took away my power of light and turned me into what you call an angel." I sensed the pain triggered in him by his memories in the darkest corners of my soul.
"Why?" my brother wanted to know, seemingly oblivious to how much this conversation was bothering Tanael.
"Chris," I interrupted him. "Don't."
