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“I’ll try. I’m sorry. I didn’t even think.” She gives me her eyes as she looks over her shoulder at me, and I lean down to kiss her before I start moving in and out of her, giving us both what we need.
When we come, it’s together and with each other’s names on our lips. I want to tell her my truths. The secrets I’ve kept from her.
* * *
An hour later, we are lying in her bed, where we made love again. She’s on her stomach, and I’m leaning over her, tracing some of her scars. I’m not stupid. I can imagine what they’re from. I decide it’s time she shared some things with me.
“I want to tattoo this virgin skin. Will you let me?” I start imagining what I’d tattoo on her back.
“What would you tattoo on me?” She turns to give me those sexy eyes of hers.
“I’d tattoo a phoenix primarily in black and gray with some blue and red in the tail. Because that’s what you are, love.” I feel her body shudder, and she lays her head down. “You’ve overcome your fear of being touched. You are stronger than your enemies. You are stronger than what they did to you.” I lean down and kiss a scar before I drag my tongue along it. She bucks and pushes against me, but I keep her down. She needs to know this. “I’m not stopping, Ridley. I’m not giving up on you.” I blanket her body with mine.
“They tried to kill me.” Her words are a soft whisper, and I try to keep my body from reacting. “They found me in Chicago. Dragged me into an alley. Beat, shot, cut, and tried to rape me, all before they left me for dead.” She turns her head, and I see the scar along her delicate throat. “I begged Ryan to let me die, but he fought. Every day he fought for me. They reconstructed my face, and I stayed hidden. I must for Franci.”
I rear up and roll her over before I drop down on her body again.
“Why?”
“I was in a special unit in the military. I had to change my name so they didn’t know I was related to the Bratva. I finished at the top of my boot camp class. Only one man beat me.” She chuckles. “I could kick his ass now if I wanted to. I’m more trained now than I was before.”
“Gambit?”
She nods. “We…” She briefly closes her eyes, but not before I see the tears on the brink of falling. “We had a bad mission. One of our friends was killed.” I think of the tattoos I’ve done on Gambit and then the very odd one he had me do.
“John Deere.”
She chuckles, but it’s full of pain. “He was a farm boy from Kansas. I don’t know why I refer to him as a boy when he was only a year younger than me. But he acted like a kid. We were each other’s family. Most of us didn’t have families. That’s why we were chosen. They didn’t know I had one. I claimed I was an orphan.”
“Gambit and you are still friends. He didn’t attack you.” It’s a statement, not a question, but she still shakes her head.
“No. It was a group of mercenaries that I was assigned to after they disbanded our unit. I saw them do some horrible things. After I saved Franci from them, I turned over my bodycam footage anonymously. The company was blacklisted, and they swore to come after me.”
“And they are still after you?”
“Yes. I thought when we faked my death, it would be okay.” She drops her eyes, and I lift her chin.
“I’m pretty tough myself. I used to fight in a cage. I was good at it.” I don’t want to tell her how good I was. All the money I have isn’t from my businesses or my inheritance. It’s how I got rid of my parents. I lean my head on her chest, ready to give her the truth that Erika doesn’t even know. “I walked away after I won a huge purse. I only wanted that money for one thing. It was more than enough to make them go away. They left Erika and me alone, and I don’t regret it. All they wanted was to use us for our money.”
“Who?” She strokes my back, and I look up at her.
“My parents.” I’ve told her how they left us, but I haven’t told her this part. “They came back after Meemaw died. Found out they didn’t inherit anything and tried to get money from us. They were going to take us to court. I didn’t tell Erika. I took the fights won and paid them off. Then I walked away from that life because I became a different man. I didn’t like who I was.”
“It hardens you,” she says as she leans up to kiss me. She does get it. “After my mom died, it took me forever to trust that Babushka was really there to help me and love me. That’s all she wanted from me. My father pushed me away because I didn’t want to be a pawn in his business like my mom told me I would be. She said that’s why she and he never got together.”
“Yeah.” My hands stroke her cheeks. I know she has scars along her hairline that signify she had facial reconstruction. “Maybe she was hurt that she wasn’t chosen, and she turned you against him as payback.” I know it seems odd, but I can’t even think of someone not wanting to be a part of her life. She’s so amazing.
“He’s had years.”
“He has, love.” I roll to the side and hold her to me, trying to figure out a way we can keep her safe. A way I can keep her with me for the rest of our lives.
Twelve
RIDLEY
The holidays came and went. Babushka didn’t come visit because there was a lot going on in Vegas. Something about Dmitri, my brother’s best friend, getting married and then his wife being kidnapped. All kinds of stuff happening. She said she wants to talk Andrei into letting his new girl come with her. But after some serious shit went down with her in October, he doesn’t let her go far from him. It’s funny that both my brothers have found the loves of their lives. I wonder if I’ll be able to stay alive long enough to do the same with Leif. I know I care about him because I want to leave so he’ll be safe, but I also don’t want to be away from him either. I move a stack of papers across my desk and remember just a couple of months ago when Leif and I had sex here. I can’t stop the smile.
“That looks like a good smile,” one of my guys says.
