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Anger. Hope. And a distinct note of fear.
I try to clamp down on my emotions, see things reasonably. But it is very hard with Penny right here.
Persephone notices my glance and puts a protective hand on her stomach. “You haven’t done more than kiss me since we came home from the clinic.”
“Ye’ve been sick.”
Her eyes narrow. “It’s funny. I thought that we had a breakthrough while we were at the clinic. You were touching my belly and acting… well, honestly, pretty shockingly emotional about her existence. But since then, you’ve been cagey.”
I blow out a breath. “Of course ye feel that way. Ye want me to be weak. Ye are always poking holes in my armor. It seems like something ye can’t help but do.”
She takes a bite of her toast, chewing and swallowing. “I’m interested in seeing how you feel about things. I’m interested in you being vulnerable with me.”
My gaze snaps to hers. “I’m supposed to be an impenetrable wall. I am trying desperately to be untouchable. And ye keep looking at me with that pretty blue gaze of yers, inviting me to touch ye, to feel all the things that I shouldn’t. How am I supposed to be close to ye and not be… weak?”
Persephone pushes the tray away, moving closer to me. She takes my hand, placing my palm against her belly. My entire body stiffens.
“This is what I am talking about! It’s killing me to think about what will happen to ye and our daughter in the near future. I can’t be an internationally known villain when I have… such obvious weaknesses.”
She purses her lips. “I agree with you. You can’t be an arms dealer and have me stashed away. There will come a point where you will have to choose.”
I scowl at her belly. “Exactly.”
She tilts her head. For a long moment, I have no idea what she could be thinking. But then she draws my hand over her breast, spreading my palm wide so that I can feel her heart beating.
I look at her, uncomfortable. Penny lifts her chin and stares me down.
“I am real. And I’m right here. Your baby is right here. We aren’t going to go away unless you decide to abandon us.”
My gaze hardens. “Ye think I would do that? After my mother left me, I turned into such a bastard. The thought that I would do that to another child… worse, to my own child?—"
“But you can’t have it both ways. You can either have the family you always wanted. Or you can make the same choice as your father likely did and drive out the woman you feel the need to protect.”
Sneering, I shake my head and shoot to my feet.
“I am not my father!”
She stands, too, following me as I leave the claustrophobic bedroom. I pace to the front window of our little cabin, brooding.
“What distinguishes you from your father?”
Her question, though asked gently, makes me shoot her a furious glare.
“We’re completely different.”
“In what way? From what I have managed to piece together, he only cared about money. How is that any different from the life you’ve been living?”
I can’t even look at Persephone, so I stare out the window as I reply.
“Da was a complete bastard. He embezzled, he lied, he cheated on Ma, he drank every chance he got, he?—”
I stop, trying desperately to control my voice, which grows louder with every word. Taking a breath, I calm myself before resuming.
“He beat my brothers and myself bloody until we were old enough to leave the house. He was a terror to everyone that knew him, but he saved his worst punishments for those of us unfortunate enough to live with him. I would never?—”
I stop again, steeling myself. I look back at Penny at last.
“I am nothing like him.”
