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As her hand went to her lower abdomen, thehollow loss was in her uterus, and in her heart, profound and deep as any void in the galaxy. But there was a rejuvenation, too. A lifting of the spirit that came when life, previously thought of as unrelentingly unfair, proved that there was more balance than one had assumed. Straddling the two extremes of hope and mourning was a split of emotions that consumed her, and maybe that was why she was thinking about God. Believing in some guy in a white robe standing in a set of pearly gates was easier to handle.
Easier to reconcile.
“When?” Lydia asked. “When did he come around?”
“Just a minute ago.” Cathy touched the top arch of his Afro. There was debris in it and she wanted to wash his hair for him. “And only for a moment, but he’s in here. He’s still with us.”
In the back of her mind, some kind of ringer went off—and glancing over at the couple, she focused on Daniel. She had something she needed to tell… one of them. She looked at Lydia. Or was it both of them?
“Ah…”
As she just stared stupidly, Daniel frowned. “You want me to go get a doctor?”
“He is one.” Cathy went back to focusing on the bed. “He’s the best doctor.”
Then again, it was entirely possible that if theguy had talked about a plumber, she’d have maintained that Gus was an expert at PVC pipe installation. Electrician? In the union. Librarian? Worked in the congressional one.
“Is there anything we can get you?”
She lost track of who was talking, but then one of them said it was time to go—
“Wait,” she heard herself interrupt.
When the couple looked at her with concern—like they were both thinking of hitting the call button on her behalf—she put her hand to the side of her head. And then… she remembered.
“Will you stay with him for a minute?” she asked the wolven. “Please?”
By way of answer, Lydia pulled a chair up and sat right down like she was prepared to wait out a century if that’s what was required.
“Thank you,” Cathy said.
“Anything. For him… for you.”
Cathy put her hand over her heart. And then she indicated the door with an incline of her head, and Daniel followed her out, the panel closing behind them. The hall they were in was private—in the sense that there was no one in it. But percolating down from the open area, there was all kinds of talking and walking across the concrete floors. Phones ringing. Machines whirring.
The lab was very much alive. For now.
Like her. Like Daniel.
The financial engine that kept it going was nearly out of gas, however. The money was nearly all gone, and she supposed it was a sign of personal growth that she wasn’t worried about that anymore. Or maybe she was just admitting failure.
“This way,” she said.
She led him farther down the corridor, and when she got to the last door on the left, she put her hand on the cool panel and stopped.
“You stroking out on me?”
Cathy glanced over her shoulder. “That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think.”
“True. But considering how many people are hanging by a thread around here, can you blame me?”
“No.”
Opening the door, she felt her breath get caught, and between one blink and the next, she saw the office not as it was now, empty of all personal effects, but rather as it had been, with Gus’s basketball jerseys and sports memorabilia.
Funny, how his things had been windows that looked into a vista she loved. Without them, the space was claustrophobic with its generic furniture and bare walls.
“He really did leave,” Daniel commented.
