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“You were protecting the wolves before,” he said. “So just keep doing that—and maybe add a couple of acres. You love it up there anyway. That’s your joy.”
You’re my joy, she thought.
Still, deep inside of her, her wolven self prowled against the cage of her will, wanting out right now, so it could go home up on the elevation, smelling the pine and feeling the earth underfoot.
The mountain had always been her solace. But if she went there, just because Daniel died and she needed a place to bury her grief? She’d end up hating the place.
“No,” she said as she forcefully got to her feet. “And I’m sorry we bothered you. We have to go now.”
Candy’s blue eyelids narrowed. “You can’t run from what’s going to happen to him—”
“Are you really talking about Daniel like he isn’t even here?”
“—and you shouldn’t try to. It just wastes what time you have.”
As Candy fell silent, it was on the tip of Lydia’s tongue to deny everything. To say she wasn’t running. To point out that it wasn’t possible when she was sleeping next to Daniel every night and worrying about him every day—no matter what else was going on.
Except she wasn’t fooling anybody. Not even herself.
And as she thought of thatsymphathin the red robes, and how the light of dawn had found him and flashed, brilliant as a nuclear bomb, she felt her soul crack.
“I can’t think of what comes next,” she said roughly. “I have no future. Only the present.”
Becoming aware that she had a crushing hold on the bear, she put the toy carefully back in its place and brushed off her perfectly clean pants.
“I’m sorry we bothered you.” Hadn’t she already said that? “I mean—”
“You didn’t.” Candy got to her feet, too. “I still got to have the last piece of pie, and I wanted a coffee anyway. So, where you guys headed next? Grocery shopping? Or does that Phalen woman have half a Price Chopper airdropped into her front yard once a month—does she actually feed all those guards of hers? Not that I don’t get why someone would want them around. If I were a younger woman, I’d have admired the view, if you know what I mean.”
Candy was talking her way to the door, like nothing of any significance had been discussed, and as Daniel started following her, Lydia looked back at the Christmas tree. It was an artificial one, and collections of ornaments were grouped together on the branches: Disney princesses in holiday-themed dresses in one quadrant, traditional bulbs inanother… and there was a whole section on cats. The lights were blinkers. Some white, some colored.
Six weeks until December 25th.
She couldn’t fathom thinking that far ahead.
As a cold swirl circled her legs, she jumped and stumbled back—but it wasn’t some evil portent or metaphysical intruder. It was just the door getting opened and the weather coming in like a dog sniffing around.
And hey, at least it got her out of the way of the train that Candy had set up with such great care.
Lydia floated out into the weak noontime sun, feeling like it was the middle of the night. At the end of the driveway, there was a second black Suburban, sitting like a Doberman that needed to be fed. The guards had followed them at a not-at-all-discreet distance, and overhead, drones buzzed on the periphery. As she regarded the protection, she had the sense that the tenacity of the men in those uniforms wasn’t so much that they were running interference on any potential threats, but rather they were monitoring to make sure there were no security breaches.
“You guys take care of yourselves,” Candy said from the front door.
“You, too,” Daniel responded—even though he wasn’t looking at the woman, but rather focused out on the rural road.
Lifting a hand, Lydia murmured, “I’ll see you soon, ’kay?”
“Yeah, sure,” Candy said. “Anytime. You know where to find me.”
It was hard to turn around, and walk to the SUV. She felt like she was never going to see the receptionist again, although whether that was paranoia or prediction, she wasn’t sure. Neither was a great way to feel.
Back at their Suburban, she got behind the wheel, and when the doors were shut, she glanced across the console.
“I have no idea what to think. About anything.”
Daniel’s face was grave. “Do you want me to drive?”
No, I want you to be well, and for me to be back at the WSP, worrying about nothing more than wolf migration and breeding seasons.
