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Just as Nalla was going to announce herself, hermahmenscooped the dough out onto the floured cutting board. Then she dipped her hands into the Gold Medal bag, and clapped them to make sure she had the right amount of—
Clap.
Clap.
The instant the sounds were made, those the palms meeting sharply, Nalla was back with Nate, watching him struggle with what was real and what was in his mind.
And then hermahmencame into focus so sharply, Nalla’s eyes teared up.
At the same time, Bella glanced over her shoulder and jumped. “Oh! Oh. Ah, hi. You’re home—I mean, here. Hi.”
Years filtered through in a matter of moments, times when Nalla had seen her parents together, hermahmen’s worried eyes passing over her father’s face… over the black band that was tattooed around his neck. She remembered hermahmen’s hands, gently soothing, always under the table or behind his back, so there was no attention drawn. There had also been the abrupt departures from the dining table in the communal space here, that were covered up with a smile and a comment from Bella, Zsadist going first, her lingering so that it didn’t look like what it was, him having to leave because he couldn’t handle something.
Nalla recalled the times, during the day, when everything had been silent and still, and she’d seen the light on under their door and heard low, serious murmurings.
And then at her work, whether at Luchas House or when she’d first started training at Safe Place, she remembered Bella reaching out to Mary, and Mary pulling out of meetings to take a phone call from her dear friend.
Always about Nalla’s father, who suffered with dignity, and battled demons that were not of his own creation.
“Nalla? Are you okay?”
As she tried to respond, her eyes clung to hermahmen’s face, and she saw what was familiar: Concern, worry. Stress. About someone the female loved with all her heart… who she didn’t know how to help.
With a choked sob, Nalla rushed across the kitchen, disturbing the chairs tucked into the four-top table they ate at when they were just being together as a family.
The three of them. Sharing a meal.
She threw her arms around Bella and ducked her head as she’d done as a young, and there was no hesitation. She was instantly embraced in return, her hair smoothed by hermahmen’s hand.
“It’s okay,” Bella said. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay, whatever it is, I’m here.”
“I’m so sorry.” Nalla took a shuddering breath. “Oh, I’ve been an—”
“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”
Nalla pulled back. “I’m so sorry you had to watch him suffer all these years. I had no idea… what you’ve been through.”
The shock that came over those familiar features was a terrible commentary on the selfishness of a young. It was as if Bella had never expected the understanding she offered to so many to be returned.
“And I…” Nalla’s voice cracked. “I know you were there for me, too. I just had no comprehension about what it’s like to see someone you love go to a place you can’t pull them out of. A place where they were hurt when they were young. A place… that haunts them everywhere they go. I am so sorry,mahmen.”
Putting her palm over her mouth, she couldn’t believe the things she’d said to Bella at Luchas House.
“It’s all right.” Bella took her over to the table and sat her down, keeping their hands clasped. “You don’t have to apologize—”
“I do. I was wrong. I didn’t get it because I’ve never known anything different than you being there for Father and me feeling like my problems were never as important—but compared to his, theyweren’tthat big. Jesus, I’m such an ass—”
“Hey, stop that.” Bella took a napkin out of the holder and passed it over. “We all are doing the best we can. And I did try to support you, too, I really did—”
As a fresh wave of tears came, it was nice timing on the mop-up. “I know.”
She lost it then, really lost it. Pressing the napkin into her eyes, she just let go because she didn’t have a choice—and when the wave passed,and she finally lowered her hands from her face, hermahmenwas right there. Still.
Always.
“Can you tell me what brought this on?” came the gentle prompt.
Nalla got herself another blotter. “I… spent the day with Nate, and he woke up from a dream—a nightmare, but he was still in it. He looked at me and didn’t see me. He was back… in a lab somewhere. They were hurting him—and his voice was that of a young. Oh,mahmen, it was awful.”
