AllFreeNovel
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The stick is still just a stick, but the hands holding it feel wrong. Different somehow.
We go three rounds with Coach randomly passing to different players in the line and us shooting the puck at the net.
I miss twice in a row and sink the last one by pure, blind luck.
Coach blows his whistle again and sends us away. Clearly, he’s decided that last fumbled goal was the one tiny, pathetic high note he can get out of me, so it’ll have to do.
“Showers,” he says with the kind of shortness people deploy when they’re buried alive and don’t want to waste oxygen.
His eyes are locked on the clipboard where he’s taking furious notes when I pass him to walk down the chute, trailing the rest of the team.
“Something you want to tell me, James?” he asks, still not looking up from his notes.
I stop and hang my head for a moment, trying to get the frustration under control before I straighten up and square my shoulders.
“I’ll do better, Coach.”
He does glance up, then. “I can hardly imagine you’ll be able to do worse,” he says dryly. “Everything okay with… everything? In general.”
He tries. To his credit. But it’s a bit of an ineffective incentive to spill my guts when he’s so clearly uncomfortable with any kind of emotion. Not that our relationship really invites sharing of deep, personal issues anyway.
I nod. “Yeah. Just having an off week.”
He acknowledges that with a nod. “Happens.”
With another nod toward the locker rooms, I’m dismissed.
I drop down in front of my cubby and start taking off my gear while Hayes finishes getting dressed next to me. The locker room empties person by person, until it’s just me and Hayes.
He sends me a long, level look. Almost feels like a setup for that thing when you’ve done something wrong and your parents sit you down and wait you out until you can’t stand the pressure of silence and spill your guts.
“Come on,” I say when I’ve finished tugging the practice jersey over my head. “Out with it.”
“I’m not the one fucking things up on the ice.”
I sigh and drop onto the bench again. I scrub my hand over the back of my head before I lean my elbows on my knees and glare at the floor in front of my feet.
If ever there was a person to talk to about the mess that’s happening inside my head, it’s Hayes. He’s quiet, intense, and most of all, discreet.
Fuck if I have any idea where to even start with this.
“Have you ever…” Yeah, no. No idea how to spit it out without actually saying anything too true. “Do you think… Uh…” I blow out a breath and swear out loud.
He eyes me calmly. “You kill somebody?”
I throw him a look. “Yeah. Surprise, I’m a psycho.”
He shrugs. “Worth the confirmation. But fine, I hear you. We’ll jot that down as a no.” He sends me another speculative look. “Knock somebody up?”
I send him another look. “Seriously?”
“You telling me you think that doesn’t happen?”
“I haven’t even—” I clamp my mouth shut.
Hayes laughs out loud. “Now you’re going to tell me you’re a virgin?”
“No. Look, there’s somebody I’m…” I’m at a loss for words yet again. What am I? With Lake? Fuck if I know.
