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Delaney pressed a hand to her chest, her mouth agape in feigned indignation.
“It’s how I ended up here in the first place. It’s how I ended up at the doctor’s office yesterday. And I’m not sure how yet to pin this one on you, but just to make it a solid three, I’m sure you had something to do with me tossing my cookies into a public trash can last night.”
Only now Delaney’s indignation didn’t look so feigned.
“Do you really see being here while you heal as a punishment?” Her sister’s smile was gone.
Beth thought. She tried to pinpoint the exact moment when she stopped looking at Meadow Valley as a place where she was stuck but instead as simply the place she was. For now.
“Come on, Lanes,” she teased. “You know I wasn’t being serious. But this isn’t my life. It’s the place where I’m coddled and taken care of, whether I want to be or not.” She paused and waited for her sister’s smile to reappear, but it didn’t. “You found your dream here, and I’m so happy you did. You have your shelter, an amazing husband, and the cutest little girl on the entire planet. All facts, by the way.”
The corner of Delaney’s mouth twitched. “She really is the cutest, right?”
Beth nodded. “But I haven’t found my dream yet.”
Despite her choice in profession—which certainly wasn’t easy—she tended to take the easiest route. All she’d ever wanted was to dance onstage at Radio City Music Hall, but when she got her first job as a Vegas showgirl and started making money…as a dancer…it was so easy to stay put. Despite the heavy costumes and grueling hours, Beth loved what she did. Then she was suddenly twenty-nine, a full decade older than some of the youngest Rockettes. If she didn’t try now, then when? And what if she’d waited too long? What if she left something good for something she thought was great, but it wasn’t?
“What are you thinking?” Delaney asked, finally breaking the silence. “Your brows are all pinched.”
Beth let out a long breath, not sure what she would say until the words were out of her mouth. “What if I somehow, subconsciously, sabotaged myself? Like, what if when I was running up those stairs to the stage, somewhere in the back of my head a little voice was whispering, ‘If you never make it to that stage, you’ll never have to know whether you’re good enough or not…whether this is what will finally make you happy in that way where you can’t imagine your life any other way. If you never make it to that stage, you’ll never have to decide.’”
Beth shivered. The water in the tub was turning cold.
“Oh, Bethy,” Delaney said. “It’s okay to be scared of the unknown.”
Beth’s vision grew cloudy, and she swiped at a tear. “Shit!” she swore, because the finger she used to wipe away the tear was covered in bubbles, and now the bubbles were in her eye.
“Are you okay?” Delaney asked, and Beth stared at her with one stinging eye squeezed shut.
“I think we need to cut this heart-to-heart short,” she told her big sister, because it looked like whenever Beth was on the verge of some sort of monumental moment in her life, the universe tore her Achilles, had her upchuck into a trash can, or put bubble bath in her eye. Or maybe there was no universe messing with her at all, and it was just Beth sabotaging the big moments so she wouldn’t have to fear the outcome.
“Okay,” Delaney relented. “But I’m here when you’re ready to talk again. And Eli, Bethy. Eli’s there for you too, if you’ll let him.”
More tears leaked from her closed eye, but these were from ridiculous pain and not anything to do with Eli Murphy being another example of the easy path she couldn’t keep taking, not when there was a universe—or self-sabotage—to finally prove wrong.
She ended the call, reached for the knob that turned on the cold water, and stuck her face directly beneath it.
A short while later, despite Eli’s protestations before he’d left, Beth dressed in her clothes from the night before and limped back to the guesthouse. She changed into jeans and the Betty Boop showgirl T-shirt her sister gave her before her very first show, and just to be safe she strapped on her air cast before heading out to the barn. She wasn’t going to do anything foolish. She just needed to be with someone who wouldn’t ask her questions when she was clearly still searching for the answers.
She pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head, using them as a headband to keep her damp hair out of her face, and she strode through the barn door.
“Hey there, Cirrus,” she cooed as the white stallion poked his nose over his stall door. She gave him a soft pat, and he nuzzled into her palm. “Guess you like me more than Ace did, huh?”
He whinnied, and she wondered if she had been the one to give off bad vibes to Ace in the first place. Despite her excitement to ride, at that point in time she hadn’t wanted to ride any horse but Midnight, and some part of her had let Ace know.
Speaking of Midnight…
Beth found her friend lying in her bedding, catching a midday snooze.
“Mind if I join you?” she asked.
Using the app Eli downloaded to her phone, she disabled the alarm and opened the stall door.
Midnight blinked one eye open and perked up when she saw her rider. She offered Beth an affectionate snort but didn’t bother standing up.
“Don’t get up on my account,” Beth teased, waving off the mare’s nonexistent gesture.
Midnight shook her head and snorted again before resting her head back on the stall’s bedding.
