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Taking a leap for me means first fixing things with Kyle, if I can. I at least want to try. So I called him, expecting him not to answer, but he did on the second ring. And then he shockingly agreed to meet me. So here I am, sitting across a wooden table from a man who was so much a part of my life growing up.
I pushed him away too; it’s been my MO for a while. But seeing him now, even with the way he’s staring me down, his nostrils flaring, I wish I hadn’t. I’ve missed out on so much.
“I’m only doing this for Lucy,” he says.
My eyes widen at that. “Did you tell her I called you?”
He shakes his head. “No, but at dinner the other night she was pretty shaken up because of you.”
I don’t say anything to defend myself. I could try, but I don’t think Kyle would get it. He’s fiercely protective, one of the things I admire about him, especially with his family. Once upon a time, he was like that with me too.
“What did she tell you?” I ask.
“She didn’t,” Kyle says. “But it didn’t take a lot to figure out what happened, knowing your history. The question is, should I punch you?”
I look down at my hands, my thumbs nervously twiddling in my lap. “Maybe,” I say, looking up at my former best friend. “But not for what you’re probably thinking.”
“How do you know what I’m thinking?”
I give him a sad smile. “I’m not the man I used to be, Kyle.”
It feels good to say that. I know I still have a long way to go, and maybe I’ll never be the man I want to be. But the man who sat in Gloria’s office and admitted that I have real, genuine feelings for Lucy is not the same man from even a year ago. Hell, I’m not even the same man I was a month ago. Some of that was me and the work I’d already been doing. A lot of it was the time I spent with a beautiful blonde woman with an insatiable competitive streak, who I hope will someday forgive me and maybe give me a chance.
Kyle folds his arms and sits back. I’ve never been able to see Lucy in him; they hardly look like each other. But right now, with the scowl on his face, I see it.
“I think my sister’s tears would say otherwise,” he says.
“She didn’t tell you why because I didn’t explain myself very well to her. But the truth of it is that I’m not worthy of your sister.”
Kyle looks taken aback by that. “We finally agree on something.”
I let out a breath. “The thing is, though. I want to be. I want to be worthy of her.”
He shakes his head, and I hold out a hand to stop him because I know what he’s thinking.
“I know what you think of me. I know the things I’ve done to you don’t warrant your forgiveness.”
“Hitting on my wife will do that.”
I close my eyes. “Kyle, had I known ...”
I’ve wished so often that I could go back to that day. Back to those nights before his wedding, when I was home from med school, hanging out at The Eagle’s Den, being the fool I was back then. Carrie was a beautiful redhead, and I’d set my sights on her that night. And yes, I saw her ring. Back then that sort of thing didn’t deter me, which makes me feel ill now. I can’t believe I was ever like that.
I had a couple of drinks in me. I went up and talked to her, made a pass at her, which she shot down. Imagine my surprise when I showed up to Kyle’s wedding and saw who walked down the aisle, beautiful in that white dress, beaming up at her soon-to-be husband, my childhood best friend.
She must have told him. After the wedding when I came through the reception line to congratulate them, Kyle was pissed. I think he probably would have fought me in the parking lot, but his bride must have asked him not to. He did, however, ask me to leave.
I remember sitting in my rental car in the parking lot of the hotel where the reception was being held, wondering how I’d gotten there. But it wasn’t until years later that I finally woke up.
“Look,” Kyle says, leaning his elbows on the table. “What’s done is done. That’s in the past. I just need you to stay away from Lucy.”
I reach up and rub the back of my neck. “I can’t do that, Kyle.”
“What?”
“I can’t stay away from Lucy. I need her. She’s ...” I stop, running a hand through my hair. “She’s the best person I know. I don’t deserve her, but I want to try to be someone worthy of her.”
I also want to say Lucy’s a full-grown adult and can make her own decisions, but that’s not my battle to fight. Besides, Lucy is strong enough to do that herself.
