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Because even though she has sent scathing voicemail after a scathing voicemail, I won't return. I won't let her hurt me anymore.
As for Darius, I'd blocked him. I’d blocked them all, Ophelia included. When Dad finally called me—I’d almost picked up when I’d seen his name flash on my screen—but in the end, I held strong. It’s been years since William has done more than look at me with glassy-from-drink eyes. He let Remira punish me over and over, without uttering a single word of protest in my defense, full well knowing I didn’t deserve to pay for Ophelia’s crime. Still, seeing his name on my screen was proof of just how desperate Remira was for me to return.
It doesn’t say the best things about me, I realize, but I love that she’s the desperate one now. I want her to stew in it.
What I hadn’t expected, however, was that Darius would threaten to come and bring me back himself. Darius has no problem spending his time with other women, strippers and escorts and everything else, but he’s been possessive over me since the deal was made. I can’t say how many times he’s warned me away from men, threatening me with pain whenever he caught a man even looking at me, as though I could control where another man let his eyes drift. It’d gotten so bad that I’d started avoiding looking at men altogether. If I wasn’t looking at them, maybe they wouldn’t look at me. They had anyway, and Darius had taken pleasure in whispering his threats into my ear like a caress of what was to come—what was to become of my life with him.
He'd told me he wanted me pure and untouched. He’d refused to even sample my mouth with his own, he’d claimed, because my sweet fear would be more potent when he finally took me, made me his, if he waited. If he let that fear ferment.
That fear had fermented until it had boiled over and I’d run—right into the arms of his brother. Okay, maybe I wasn’t in Tav’s arms, per se. But Darius didn’t know that.
I’d thought for certain that once he saw me with his brother, of all people, his want for me would be spoiled.
By the texts and voicemails, I’d received from Darius, sadly, that’s not the case.
It’s no matter, I’m choosing to ignore them all.
They have no part in my life anymore, and I don’t need their negativity weighing me down.
I’m starting my new life here in L.A. I might be doing it alongside Tav, but I'm really doing it alone. For myself. It's the first time I've done anything for myself in my whole life. It feels delicious. There's really no other word for it. It is delicious, decadent, sweet—everything.
Pushing up from my chair by the pool, I move back inside through the large patio door. It's a hot, beautiful day, so I dress in a simple sundress. It's a pretty cream color with mock lace at the hem.
I'm not lucky enough to go with no bra. I'm busty, with full double D's. I've always been uncomfortable with my chest, but it is what it is. I'm curvy. I have thighs, much to Remira’s chagrin. I wasn't built willowy like her and Ophelia. I got my stocky, curvy build from my grandmother. I've got thick thighs, junk in the trunk, and too much boobs.
Trying to lose weight is impossible. I never lose it from the problem areas, and my stomach is snatched. I can't afford to lose much else there, as I already have a tiny waist.
Sometimes I feel disproportionate. Other times, I just remind myself that Grandma had this body, and she rocked it.
After making myself a grilled chicken salad and eating it, I'm craving something sweet. Tav doesn't seem to eat a lot of sweets, which sucks, because I'm a sucker for some sugar. It's as I'm on the hunt for chocolate chips—I doubt he has them, I doubt the man bakes—still as I'm on the hunt for them, I find an unopened container of popcorn kernels. My heart flutters because I know for a fact that container hadn't been there before.
Tav must have gone to the store to get me popcorn because I’d asked for it the other night. My silly heart warms. In fact, there's not even a smidgen of sting. The fire has devoured it all.
Like a giddy child, I pull the popcorn from the shelf and hug it to my chest. With a tiny squeal and a dance of delight, I decide I'm having a movie night tonight.
ten
Tav
I smell the popcorn before I see her, and a grin I can’t fight curls my lips. I don’t know what possessed me to stop at the grocery store on my way home Thursday night. I hadn’t needed anything for the house and typically leave the unenjoyable task of shopping for food to my housekeeper, Esmeralda. Or, as she prefers to be called, Mer.
Popcorn, however, has never been on my list. Even looking at the little balls of unpopped corn, I haven’t the first clue what to do with it to make it into the fluffy white shit Olympia clearly has a liking for.
Still, I’d gone out of my way to get it for her, feeling like a fool as I stood at the register, tossing a pack of gum onto the counter just to say I’d gotten something for myself. I’d felt even more foolish as I pushed it into the cupboard, wondering what she’d look like when she found it.
Had she smiled?
Hell. Fingers dig into my forehead as I move deeper into my house, spotting the woman on my couch.
She can’t be far into the movie—a sappy romance if the collage of scenes before me is anything to go by. A couple with ice cream, hand in hand, popcorn at the movies. A kiss.
It reminds me of what it’d been like to kiss her. Something I haven’t let myself do since that first kiss. Something I’ve wanted to do every day since. I’ve woken hard as stone every morning with the taste of her lingering on the haze of my dreams.
“Hey.” She twists on the couch as I move closer. “You’re home.”
Why does it sound so good when she says that? Why does it feel good to have someone—a woman—waiting for me?
I have to get rid of her.
