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“It's not very big.”
There’s a special kind of hurt that comes from seeing a big, loving family when your own is so small and so broken. “No, but we have each other.”
Parker thinks for a minute. “Can we make it bigger?”
Chase glances up from the bed, and I see the flicker of fear on his face. I guess he cut off his headphones. He does that sometimes. Turns them on to make me think he’s not listening only to turn them off later. Our lives have been filled with so much uncertainty that I can’t blame him for his tendency to eavesdrop on conversations.
“Not…not right now,” I say softly.
Relief flickers across Chase’s face. He let it slip a few days ago that when we lived with Spencer, he was always threatening to turn the boys over to child protective services. He’d take great delight in telling Chase how he’d be ripped away from me and Parker. If I’d known that, I would have done more than just break the asshole’s nose as I left.
“Maybe one day our family will look different,” I tell the boys softly.
Chase goes back to his phone, content that he’s not getting shipped off somewhere. After he told me what Spencer used to say, I reassured him that I’d never let anyone take him away from me.
Parker thinks for a moment. “When we’re a big family, then we can have a house?”
I nod despite the heaviness in my heart. “I promise I will get you a house one day. You'll have a bed of your own and a basketball hoop.”
After I’ve put the boys down for bed, I crawl into the other one and stretch out. My phone dings on the nightstand, and I reach for it. My stomach is in knots. Spencer calls me sometimes. I never answer, and he leaves voice messages. Sometimes they’re apologetic. Sometimes, they’re angry rants. I never know which to expect.
Unknown Number: Goodnight, beautiful. Sleep well.
Me: Who is this?
Unknown Number: Your future husband.
Me: You mean the delusional cowboy from earlier?
Unknown Number: Persistent cowboy.
Me: Sounds the same to me. Goodnight, bossy cowboy.
Even though he’s a crazy person, I can’t help falling asleep with a smile. I’d never admit to him, but he’s kind of growing on me.
* * *
I click through the next apartment listing in Sweetgrass River and remind myself not to sigh. Or cry. All of these landlords want a big deposit plus the first and last months’ rent. In moments like this, it feels like the odds are stacked against me.
It’s been a week since Parker showed me the million-dollar home. I’ve spent every spare minute since then combing through rental listings. I’d love to move to Courage County, but the boys are in school in Sweetgrass. I’d have to transfer them again. Not that they seem to love their current school.
I square my shoulders. This is a temporary bump in the road. I will figure this out, just like I’ve figured out everything else.
“What are you doing?” Martha asks.
I didn’t hear her come up behind me. I click away from the apartment listings, embarrassed to be caught looking up housing options on a work computer. Martha and Cash haven’t figured out that I’m staying in a pay-by-the-night hotel. I’d rather that they didn’t know that. “I was just…”
Martha reaches for the large stack of folders on the desk that I’ve already digitized, tucking them against her ample chest. “You know, I have a tiny little place right above my detached garage. Not much to look at. There’s a kitchenette, a bathroom, and a bedroom. You and the boys could stay there.”
A little bit of hope flickers in my heart. “Is it available for rent?”
“Aww, honey. It’s no bigger than a postage stamp. You and your brothers are welcome to crash there for a few months…you know, if you want.” She sets the folders back down on my desk and pulls out her phone. She swipes the screen and passes the device to me. “I’ve been doing a few little repair jobs myself. You can see it.”
She’s right that it’s not very big, but after spending so long in a cramped hotel room, it looks like a mansion. I quickly flip through the photos. It’s clean and neat. There’s no furniture, but a couple of air mattresses will get us started. “How much is the deposit?”
“No deposit. No rent. You’re family.” She shrugs.
Tears prick my eyes at her words. She’s only known me for a few weeks. But I’m quickly learning that in Courage, everyone treats you like family. Martha didn’t hesitate to get me a job even though I was a stranger, and now she’s helping me with lodging too.
