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I don’t know why that makes me worry.
Zoey
A huge yawn escapes me. After the boys came back, we spent the rest of the day watching tv and playing cards. It’s not that late – only ten, but after three hours of sleep and two weeks of little more than that, exhaustion finally takes over.
“I think you should get some sleep,” Jax says to me, brushing hair off my shoulder. Zane nods in agreement.
Zane leaves with a quick wave. Jax scoops me up and carries me down the hall to our room.
He sits me on the bed, plants a sweet kiss on my cheek, “Get some sleep, beautiful.”
But suddenly I don’t need sleep. All I need is him.
I grab his arm before he moves away. I sit up on the bed, dragging my hand up his stomach to his chest. I wrap my arms around his neck. “I don’t want to sleep,” I say seductively as my lips trail his jaw.
He grabs my waist but doesn’t pull me closer. He puts space between us. “We’re not having sex, Zoey.”
It feels like a slap across the face. I try to mask my hurt, but with Jax, it’s impossible. “You don’t want me?” I ask sharply just as I did this morning.
Guilt and sadness cross his beautiful chiseled face. His hazel eyes swirl in shades of brown, gold, and green while sorrow and hurt fill them. Why the hell is he hurt? He just rejected me. Again.
I try to pull away from him, but his grip is too strong. “Let me go, Jax. If you don’t want me, then let me go.”
He doesn’t miss the double meaning of my words.
He tightens his grip more. “You think I don’t want you, Angel?”
My chin tips up in defiance. “That’s what you just said.”
“No,” he says between clenched teeth. “I said we’re not having sex.”
“Same thing,” I shrug indifferently. I know I’m being a bitch, but I’m hurt. It’s not his fault. Not really. But my emotions and logic have been all over the place lately. My go to reaction is to shut down. That’s what I want to do now.
I work to shut it all down. I work to close myself off and shut him out.
He grips my upper arms in a firm hold and shakes me slightly. “Stop. Now,” he demands. “Stop trying to shut down. Shut me out.”
“Why?” I hiss. “You clearly don’t want me. I’m not even sure what the hell we’re doing here.” It’s not true. Any of it. I know that it’s not, and I’m just lashing out. But the anger and pain that are plain on his face don’t deter me.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” he bellows as he grabs my hand to place it over his erection. “This is what you do to me. Every time you even cross my mind I walk around with a fucking hard-on.”
I jerk my hand away with a shrug. “Anything in a skirt does that to you,” I say the thing I know will cut the deepest. The thing I know he’s always felt the worst about.
The thing I wish immediately I hadn’t said. The thing I know isn’t true, but my pride won’t allow me to take back. Because even when he wanted me – loved me – he still fucked other girls.
I see every muscle in his jaw clench. The veins in his forehead begin to pulsate angrily. His shoulders tense up and his fists tighten at his side.
His eyes rage with fury but I know it is masking hurt. Hurt that I put there.
He turns to walk away. When he reaches our bedroom door, he pauses for a second. His back muscles flex and coil with each heavy breath he takes.
Stop him! A voice in my head screams, but instead I say, “Where are you going?”
“Out,” he growls as he continues out the door down the hallway.
I run to chase him, not ready to end this fight. “Go ahead, Jax. Run away,” I scream.
He turns sharply to face me. He steps into my space with narrowed eyes glaring, “Why not? You fucking did.”
