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Is this what a breakthrough is? Is this what it feels like to finally acknowledge what it is that’s weighing you down? I feel like I’ve just released a year’s worth of baggage. The only problem is, what good is it doing me now?
Jax
Hearing Zoey say all of that was like the hot edge of a knife being stabbed into my heart. Knowing that she called me that night to beg me to let her come home was like a bucket of ice water over my head. She would never have had to beg. I would’ve been on the first flight out to bring her home.
Then Haley answered the phone.
And all this time she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want me to feel obligated. She still questioned my feelings for her. Not because she truly believed I didn’t love her, but because she thought she was too broken, and I deserved better.
I knew Haley answering the phone that night was the trigger. I’ve known it in my gut since the moment I saw the call from her. Since I read the texts. And I do feel responsible. How could I not?
I should’ve seen it last night. What she was doing? I should’ve recognized that she wasn’t fighting with me. Not really. She was fighting herself. She was fighting for what she wanted and what she thought she deserved, the two at war with each other.
More than that, she is fighting to put herself back together and keep the remaining pieces intact.
The doctor looks at me over Zoey’s fallen head and gestures to the sofa. I contemplate going to her but decide against it.
Zoey is struggling. She is worried I stay with her out of obligation. She doesn’t want me to know what triggered her suicide attempt because of that very reason. I’m not going to give her more reason. I will let her think her secret is kept, and I will keep this from her.
I give the doctor a slight shake of my head. She finally got Zoey to open up, and I know it was because she saw her vulnerability from last night still lingers. She also did it while I was standing there. She wanted me to hear, but didn’t want Zoey to know I was listening so she would continue.
For the first time, I think I might actually like a shrink because I think this is the breakthrough we’ve been waiting on.
I ease my way back out of the office, and head straight for our apartment. It’s time Zoey realizes how much I love her and how much better she deserves.
I work out a plan in my mind on my way back to the apartment. My first thoughts is dinner, wine, and candlelight. I owe her an apology for storming off last night. Another for not coming home. And yet another for not even letting her know I was okay.
I was hurt and angry at her words even though I knew she didn’t mean them. I could see the regret in her eyes every time she said something hurtful. I knew she was lashing out and pushing me away.
I knew in her own way she was also begging me to love her. To take away her pain and give her strength and peace.
Then I realize it’s ten in the morning. And I want to do more than that for her. She deserves everything.
So, I call in a few favors. Then a few more until I know that this is going to be perfect.
It’s nearly six when I’m finished with everything. I rush to Zane’s to change clothes. He is in charge of getting Zoey dressed and to the location.
An hour later, I’m standing there waiting nervously on Zane to bring Zoey, hoping like hell he didn’t have too big of a fight on his hands. Especially given what I asked him to get her to wear.
My palms are sweating. My heart is racing. My knees are shaking.
I turn to the elevator when I hear its doors open. Zoey takes my breath away in a short, deep blue dress that hugs her curves like it was made especially for her. The strapless, heart-shaped cut accentuate the curve of her breasts. The mid-thigh length makes her legs go on for days, and damn those red heels just make them seem even longer. Gloves don’t fit so well. Her dark hair cascades in waves down her back, framing her face and making those glacier blue orbs appear translucent.
She gasps when she takes in the scene before her. A canopy of white gauze trimmed white tiny white light has been placed on the rooftop of our building. Bouquet and bushes of nearly every color rose in the city has been placed on nearly every inch of the rooftop. More rose petals cover the silver carpet that lead to the canopy. Over a dozen candelabras are placed around and inside the canopy. A string quartet plays quietly in the back.
Her eyes move to me, taking in the tux I’m wearing. A mixture of emotions crosses her face – wonder and amazement because she knows I hate a fucking tux– before finally settling on love. That’s when I breathe again.
I walk to her, extending my elbow. She takes it but doesn’t say anything. She’s still in shock, and she’s still absorbing the scene before her.
I pull her chair out for her before moving to take my place across from her. Dishes with silver lids sit before us. The waiter I’m paying for the night offers us each a glass of the two-thousand-dollar bottle of pinot noir I requested. Excessive? Absolutely. Worth it? No question because Zoey is worth everything.
I lift my glass to Zoey. She does the same, and we clink them together.
“Jax,” she finally whispers, “what is all of this?”
“This, among many other things, is an apology. I shouldn’t have left last night, baby, and I’m sorry,” I say hoping she realizes how much I mean it.
Her eyes dip to her wine glass. I notice that they are still red rimmed from crying. It makes me feel like a scumbag, but I intend to make up for it all tonight.
