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I narrow my eyes at him. My face goes hard. It’s a look he’s become very acquainted with this past year. It’s a look that always makes him flinch because it’s a far cry from the Zoey I was before.
Instead of arguing with me, he just walks away. He’s tried to be a good friend. I know his patience is wearing thin.
I turn to Tori. She assumed for a while that Maddox and I were together. Until he came in one night with some girl.
It was pretty funny watching her go off on him for bring his ‘side piece’ where I work. It shouldn’t have been, but it was even more funny watching Maddox squirm trying to explain himself to the girl and Tori. I never did ask, but I’m willing to bet that date didn’t end well.
“What was that about?” she asks while sipping on her rum and coke. “I thought you were going to rip him a new one.”
I smile and shrug. “It was nothing. He just made the mistake of assuming he knows me, and what’s best for me.”
She raises a brow at me but doesn’t say anything about my remark.
I often think if Tori and I had met before she’d have been one of my best friends. She is a bundle of feisty, bubbly energy. She is the type of girl to hold your hand while kicking the ass of whoever made you cry.
I met her when I started working here. She was a regular customer without the ability to meet a stranger. She instantly started chatting me up when I learned that she was a tattoo artist. A few weeks later she’d talked me into coming into her shop, not that I required much convincing.
“Please come out with me tonight,” she begs again. “It’ll be fun.”
“I already have plans tonight. Sorry,” I answer casually.
It’s not a lie. I have plans nearly every night.
And I realize that I’m officially off the clock. I wipe down the counter where I’m working before wiping my hands. I walk to the back to grab my backpack I carry everywhere with me and my jacket. I exit the employee entrance in the back. I grip the taser and pepper spray in each of my pockets tightly as I work my way through the alley.
It’s warmer tonight. Bad weather is coming. I may be many miles from the southern climate I was raised in, but even in New York, uncharacteristically warm weather is a sign of a storm brewing.
I enter the hotel room about two miles from the bar like I do most every night. “You’re late,” he says to me from a corner in the room.
“And?” I mock walking closer to the bed removing my jacket. “You got what I want?”
“Do I ever disappoint you?” he questions in a voice I’m sure is intended to be seductive, but it only sends a feeling of disgust over me. He stands from his seat to walk to me. He moves my hair and places soft kisses on my shoulder trying to be sweet. A shiver travels across my skin. I’m sure he thinks it’s desire that causes it. He moves to take my mouth, but I lean away.
He knows the rules. He’s always trying to break them. To see how far he can push me. He always seems to forget the most important rule.
My rules don’t bend, and I’ll never break them.
Inthe cab on my way back to the apartment, I pick up my phone. The two faces staring back at me make the brimming tears in my eyes spill over. I miss them so much.
Every time I let another man touch me, I feel a modicum of control given back to me. But the feeling is always fleeting. When it’s over, I feel dirty – like the whore I’ve become. Worse is the feeling that I’ve betrayed Jax in the worst way.
I dial Zane’s number first, just to listen to his voicemail. At the beep, I try to gather the courage to say something, but quickly press end on the call when the only sound to escape me is a sob.
I dial Jax next. I call him nearly every week. He almost always answers. I think he must know it’s me even though I never say a word.
“Hello,” I hear a woman’s voice say.
My blood freezes in my veins. It’s late. Too late for this to be one of his hookups. None of his one-night stands would ever answer his phone. No one would answer his phone. Not even Zane.
He’s moved on.
It’s what I wanted for him. To move on from me. To be happy.
I smile through my tears. It fucking hurts so damn much. I always knew it would. He’s everything to me, and I will never love anyone but Jax. But I know now he’s let me go. It’s for the best.
I walk into the apartment as quietly as possible. Everything is dark and silent, so I know that Maddox is home and already asleep. He’d given up waiting on me pretty quickly when he learned I wouldn’t come home until he was already in bed.
I pad my way through the apartment to my bedroom and adjoining bathroom. Turning on the light, I take in my reflection in the mirror. My bleached hair hangs in loosely past my shoulders. It’s grown more than I thought it would in the span of a year when I cut it from hanging past my waist up to my ears. I’ve lost weight since last year. My cheeks are more hallow and sunken. My collarbone juts out in an almost sickly way.
