Page 41 of Fighting for His Life

Haley curls into my chest when I return to the bed, but I keep my hands locked beneath my head. “That was amazing as usual,” she says planting soft kiss over my heart.

“Yeah,” is all I say because, like I said, I’m a bastard.

She props herself up slightly, looking me in the eyes. I resist the urge to squirm under her gaze. The look in her eyes has been there for a couple of weeks. I keep trying to pretend I don’t see it, but I do.

“Jax,” she says softly, “I’ve fallen in love with you.”

My breathing stops. My heart races. Guilt consumes me along with the debilitating sense of betrayal. My betrayal.

For a while, I slipped into old habits from high school. One meaningless hookup after another is all I went after.

When I met Haley two months ago, I instantly felt something for her. A connection of some sort. I thought it could be love, but it was just a sense of comradery and friendship. I’ve tried hard to love her. I’ve tried hard to let her help me move on, but everyday becomes a heavier burden than the day before. Every day was a reminder of what I would never find again.

It’s not fair to her. I need to turn her loose, and I fully plan to. I know she’ll probably think I used her tonight for one last bang. Truthfully, I just wanted to make her feel good one more time before I let her down.

Now she’s shared something with me, and I can’t even respond. What the fuck do I say to that when I know I can’t tell her what she wants to hear?

My phone buzzing gives me a temporary pardon. I look to see several messages. The latest from Zane.

Zane: Tell coach I won’t be at practice tomorrow

Me: Why

Zane: No time to explain. I’ll call you later.

A swirling feeling enters my gut. Something is wrong. The last time I had this feeling was a year ago.

Quickly I climb out of the bed with my phone in hand.

“Something wrong?” Haley asks.

I ignore her question while I listen to the ringing through my phone.

“I said I’d call you tomorrow,” Zane says on the other end. “I don’t have time to talk right now.”

His voice sounds angry and anguished making the hair on my neck stand on end.

“How about you talk now,” I demand. “Something is wrong, and I want to know what it is.”

“You don’t need to worry about it, Jay. Just get back to Haley. Live your life and be happy.”

What the fuck? Why is he saying that to me now? I mean, he’s said it before, but not like this. I ask him as much.

He releases a sigh but stays quiet. “Is this about Zoey?” I ask with a shaky breath.

More silence but his faster breathing on the other end of the phone tells me what I need to know. “Where is Zoey?”

“Jay, let it go. She’s not your problem anymore. You have Haley.”

Irritation rises in me. I know what he’s doing. The same thing he’s been doing for months now. Pushing me to let Zoey go.

I’ve tried. God knows I’ve tried. But how do you let go of the other half of your soul? Of your heart?

Even if I never have her in my arms again, I will always love her just like I know she’ll always love me. She’s been my everything since I was a kid. My best friend. My lover. My everything.

It’s why I have to let Haley go. She deserves more than I can give her because I literally have nothing to give. Every piece of me belongs to Zoey. It always will.

“Stop trying to force me to feel something for Haley I won’t ever feel,” I hiss.

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