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“You can’t make it go away. You need to accept that you can’t make this all better. All you can do is be there for her, and do not let her push you away again.”
“How the hell do you know all this shit?” I ask with a genuine curiosity. “Have you ever even been in a relationship?”
He chuckles but there’s sadness in his tone. “A long time ago, Jax. I screwed it all up. It’s why I encouraged you to move on, but, fuck, if I don’t understand why you can’t. I still haven’t and it’s been years.”
I’m feel a little twinge of shock at his revelation. I don’t remember him ever having a girlfriend. He never brought a girl home. I don’t even remember him dating. But Rory was always so secretive about parts of his life, so I shouldn’t be surprised.
I see Zane walk around the corner to the little nook I found. He looks tired and worn. I imagine I look the same. “Zane is coming,” I tell Rory. “I’ll call you later with an update.”
“Take care of her, little brother. Zane too. If you need me, just give the word. I’ll be there.”
“Thanks,” I say then end the call.
“How’d it go?”
“About like you think. Mom just wants us to bring her home.”
Zane’s face hardens. I kind of hate it. My easy-going best friend hasn’t been so easy-going in a year, and I haven’t been able to help him anymore than he’s been able to help me. “I’m not leaving here without her, Jay.”
“I already said the same. I don’t care if I have to drag her ass kicking and screaming, she is coming home.”
“They said we can go up to her room now.”
I nod. “You ready?”
“Yeah. I need to see my sister.”
“And I need to see my girl.”
Ishould’ve had Maddox prepare me for what I’m seeing, but I know nothing could’ve prepared me for this. My gut churns at the sight of her lying there so frail and fragile – and broken. She’s lost so much weight. She was always curvy and toned, but now she looks like she weighs ninety pounds soaking wet. Her collarbone and cheekbones jut out in a disturbing way. Her long dark hair is now bleached and cut so that it hangs around her shoulders. I have a feeling it has grown since she cut it because it’s obvious, she cut it. Dark circles shadow her sunken eyes.
My eyes travel to the breathing machine she is hooked to. I watch as it pumps air into her lungs. Wires and tubes seem to be attached to every part of her body. The constant whirring and beeping of the machine at least let me know she’s still alive.
My gaze finally draws to her wrist. Its wrapped in several layers of gauze and covers most of her forearm. I wonder just how far and deep she cut. I wonder if there’s anything I could’ve done to prevent it – all of it.
Zane drops to a chair beside her and takes her hand while I go to the other side to stand at her head. I lean over to place a kiss on her forehead. It feels cold and clammy making my stomach turn some more. “I’m here, Angel,” I whisper in her ear. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.”
“Fuck, Zoey, why did you run? Why didn’t you call me?” Zane says mournfully.
Zane and Zoey have always had some kind of weird twin thing. They’ve always known where the other one was or what they were thinking without a word being said. In this moment, though, I realize that my connection with Zoey goes beyond that. I know why she ran. More still, I knew she was going to the moment Maddox called me that day. Just like I know she will come home with me. It makes no sense whatsoever, but I know in my heart.
“She didn’t want to feel, Zee. She couldn’t run from her own feelings, but she could run from ours. And she could hide hers from us.”
“I don’t get you, man. How the hell are you able to just accept and forgive so easily?”
I think for a minute. The truth is I have neither accepted her running or forgiven her for it. I just understand it. I don’t know how to explain that either though. And the simple truth is that I love her regardless. If that means that I’ve accepted and forgiven, then so be it because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I love her just as much today as I did last year. That can’t be changed because she made the decisions she made.
I guess it’s easier knowing that she didn’t make those decisions because she didn’t love me. I know Zoey loves me. And that’s exactly what I tell Zane.
He looks like he wants to say more but doesn’t. Maybe he thinks it’s not his place, but, honestly, that’s never stopped him before. I think it’s because he knows arguing with me over this is pointless, and perhaps he doesn’t even believe his reasoning.
“Do you remember when you were afraid to admit how you felt about Zoey because of me?” he asks.
I know a look of confusion must cross my face. I feel my brows furrow with question and my lips press into a thin line. “Yeah. You basically called me a fucking idiot and told me to go after her because you knew I wouldn’t if you didn’t give me the okay. I never did understand why you were so cool with it. It goes against every rule of best friends.”
He laughs at me for a second. “When I first realized how you felt about her, I wasn’t okay with it. I was always a little jealous of the relationship you two had, you know. And I didn’t want anything messing with yours and my friendship because I knew if you hurt her, I’d want to kill you.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “Now that’s the kind of response I would’ve expected.”
