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“You’re doing all you can do, little brother. And you’re doing the most important thing.”
More tears fall down my face as I begin to quietly sob. “What am I doing?”
“You’re letting her know that you’re there. You’re showing her that nothing has changed. You still love her right.”
I give a sad, wet chuckle at that statement. “I can’t stop loving her.”
“Then you really are doing everything, Jay. Just remember what I said. Don’t let her push you away. When she tries, push back harder. Show her you’re not going anywhere. Your words won’t mean as much as your actions. I’m not a smart or patient man, but I know it’s going to take a lot of patience before things start feeling normal again. Just be there, Jax. Just love her and be strong for her.”
After a few more exchanges we end our call. His words sink-in but I can’t stop the tears that are falling. It makes me feel weak and strong all of the same time. I guess real men really do cry. I think with a soggy laugh that soon turn into more sobs.
I hurt for her. I want so badly to take it away. I want to wrap her in my arms, hold her, kiss her, love her.
I cry for the time we’ve lost. I cry for the baby we will never meet. I cry for all the same reason I’ve cried for the last year. But for the first time in a year, I feel like these tears aren’t wasted. Zoey is right here. I’m not running. I’m not letting her run. I am not giving up.
I let the tears continue to fall. I finally realize why people say it's cathartic. When I finally raise my head, I am looking into the most beautiful ice blue eyes that have ever existed. They’re filled with matching tears.
She reaches over to wipe my tears. “Don’t cry over me,” she whispers softly.
I place my hand over hers and bring it to my mouth. I plant soft kisses against her palm with a smile. “Don’t you know?” I ask.
“Know what?”
“That you are the only thing worth crying over. Do you think anything or anyone else could ever bring tears to my eyes? You’re the only thing in the world that can bring me to my knees.”
“Why?” she sniffles. “Why do you love me? How can you still love me like this?”
“Because you may be hurting. You may be in pain. You may even be broken. But you are still that same beautiful girl with a biggest heart. You still have the sweetest soul of anyone I know. You’re just a little lost right now, and I want to be there to help you remember all of that.”
More tears flow from her, but mine have finally dried. I think that maybe I just needed to feel like I could do something for her. I just needed to know I can help her.
“I’m just so broken,” she sobs. “I don’t know if I can ever be the girl you fell in love with again.”
I lean forward and kiss her tears away. “You will always be the girl I fell in love with, beautiful. There’s nothing you can do, that you could ever do, that will change that.”
I move to her lips, kissing her softly. She freezes for a second, but I remember what Rory said about not letting her push me away, so I don’t move. I keep kissing her until she relaxes. Another second, and she’s kissing me back. I want to deepen the kiss, but I don’t. I wait on her.
I don’t have to wait long when she glides her tongue across my lips. It’s the permission I’m waiting on. I run my hand to the nape of her neck pulling her in closer. She groans against my mouth sending all the blood south.
I pull away before I forget where I am. Before I forget that she’s no where near ready for this. I lean my forehead against hers. “I missed you, beautiful. I missed this.”
“I missed you too, Jay. I missed you so fucking much, but I didn’t know how to come back. Every time I called, I wanted to tell you to come get me, but I couldn’t ever say it. I would hear your voice, and I couldn’t find the words. I missed us. I know if I wouldn’t have run, I probably wouldn’t have fallen so far down the rabbit hole. I don’t want to be in the rabbit hole anymore, Jax.”
My heart swells. I feel like we are moving in the right direction. Like we have a chance to get back to us. We may never be exactly what we were, but I pray to God that we can be better. “I’ll be whatever you need me to be, Angel, but I promise I’m not letting you go again. I’m not letting you push me away no matter how hard you try.”
“Do you think there will ever be a minute that it doesn’t hurt?” she asks moving a shaking hand to my chest. She grips my shirt as if she’s holding on for her life. Maybe she is.
“Does it hurt right now?” I return her question.
She nods making my gut tighten. “But not as much as before,” she admits sending the tightened feeling away just as fast as it come.
I give her a cocky smile. “Then I’d say there’s a pretty good chance that it will stop hurting a little more every day over time.” I stroke her cheek softly. “And then maybe one day, you’ll be so happy that you forget it ever hurt at all.”
“How about you?” she asks looking at me the way she used to. “Will you stop hurting?”
That’s a question I already know the answer to. It’s an answer I have no problem giving. “Baby, you are all I need to stop hurting. Knowing you’re right here with me is like a balm. The only thing that can make me better is for your pain to go away. I want to make you forget the monster and chase away the nightmares.”
Without warning her lips are back on mine. Her lips part and I sweep my tongue into her sweet mouth. She tastes like cherries making me groan against her mouth. Her velvety lips move against mine hungrily. I move without breaking the kiss climbing beside her on the hospital bed. Surprisingly, it doesn’t lessen the lust and fire tingling in my spine. I deepen the kiss further drawing her bottom lip into my mouth biting it gently.
