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Zane and Jax get out of the truck, but I just sit there. Panic threatens to take over. The random panic attacks aren’t something I’ve really had much improvement in over the last month.
I lean forward in the seat with my head between my knees trying to calm myself. My breathing is shallow and erratic as hyperventilation takes over. Hot tears sting my eyes when I feel a pair of strong arms wrap around me.
“It’s okay, squirt. I’ve got you.”
I throw my arms around Rory, hanging on for dear life. Suddenly a dam somewhere inside me breaks. Rory’s always had the ability to make me feel safe and loved, but, more than that, he’s always made me feel like it’s okay to feel something even when I don’t want to.
Sobs wrack my body as I feel the ache from being away from my family for so long. For shutting them out when I needed them most. For making them worry about me.
“I’m so sorry, Rory,” I whisper in his ear.
“What are you sorry for, Uccellino?” he asks stroking the back of my head.
“For making you all worry. For shutting you out. For not letting you know where I was and that I was safe – at least, from everyone else. Just not myself.”
He pulls back from me, tilting my chin up to look at him. “Do you really think I didn’t know where you were, squirt?” He laughs at the confusion and surprise in my eyes. “I knew where you were before we ever made it back here that day, Zoey. There was no way in hell I was going to let you just disappear.”
“Why didn’t you tell, Jax?” I whisper.
“Because you wanted to be left alone, Zoey, but I had to make sure you were okay. If I’d realized how bad things were, I would’ve told him.”
I hug him again another sob coursing through me. He shushes me while rubbing my back. I see Jax and Zane standing off behind Rory. Their parents stand at the front door looking back at me with eyes full of sympathy and sadness.
“How can I face them?” I hiccup in Rory’s ear. “I didn’t want to face any of you.”
“Zoey, you are my little sister in every way that counts. I’ve watched you get hurt, get into fights, and grow into an amazing woman. You never need to be worried about facing me. Hell, I try to keep as much of my life away from you because I don’t want you to be disappointed in me. Those two in that house feel exactly the same. We love you, squirt. There’s nothing you can do to change that.”
I hug him a little tighter before pulling back. I let him help me down from my brother’s stupidly lifted truck. He tucks me into his side, leading me to the house. Soon as we’re at the door, Dina McCabe pulls me into a hug so tight, I almost break down in tears again. “I want to throttle you, Zoey,” she says with a crack to her voice.
“Mom,” Jax says with a warning in his voice.
She pulls me back to look at her youngest son. “I want to throttle you because I love you, Zoey. Because I wanted to hold my beautiful girl who is like a daughter to me. Take some of that hurt on myself.”
I look at the woman who’s been like a second mother to me for most of my life. I’ve always admired her. She didn’t have much time to be the loving mother mine was. She was too busy working to survive. But she still managed to make, not only her own children, but Zane and I, feel loved.
“You can’t take the pain, but maybe I can finally let you hold me up when it gets too heavy on my own.”
“You’re not on your own, Zoey,” Joseph tells me from behind his wife. “You will always have Dina and me. No matter what. Do you understand me?”
I smile weakly and nod, too choked up to say anything as I step back from Dina.
“Now get in here. Supper is ready.”
I stand back as Jax and Rory follow their parents into the house. Zane comes beside me, placing one of his arms around my shoulders. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest feeling overcome with emotion again. “You okay?” he asks not hiding the concern in his voice.
I shake my head because my voice won’t work. “They loved you, Zoey. What happen wasn’t your fault. They just wanted to get to their little girl.”
A choked sound escapes my throat as he voices my thoughts. “Do you want to leave? I’ll take you to see them.”
Finally, I catch my breath. “I need to stay here,” I squeeze out.
“Not if you don’t want to. They will understand. They love you too.”
“I know. That’s why I have to stay.”
“I love you too, Zo. Please don’t scare me again. Your all I got left. You and I are it. We have to stay together.” We will always have the entire McCabe family, but I know what he means.
I hug my brother, my best friend even in the womb, tighter. “I love you too, Zee. Me and you, forever.”
