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Liam
Hated
Jaded
Time’s been wasted
Waiting for you to see
Twisted
Guilted
Doubt’s been planted
Just get up off your knees
Your words mean nothing anymore
The truth is in your eyes
You left me bleeding on the floor
Destroyed by your lies
Just stop calling, pleading, trying, begging me to believe
It’s too late for us
There’s no more you and me
This knife in my chest twists deeper with every word she sings as she sits on the stool under the low lights, pouring her heart out for this audience of two hundred people.
I’ve heard the song before, but listening to the recording was a different experience. I knew it would be. Even though I prepared myself, there was no way to know it would feel like this. She sings about bleeding on the floor, and it feels like her words have scraped out my heart. Words filled with pain I caused.
It fucking hurts to breathe right now. Hurts to see the pain in her eyes as she looks anywhere but where I’m standing.
Sometimes, I wish I were a better man. I wish I hadn’t taken her to the beach that night. Taken her to a hotel after Angel’s birthday months later. Followed her every step like a stalker for far longer than anyone realizes. If I’d left her alone, she wouldn’t have gotten hurt by manipulation and lies.
I’m aware the reason her pain has been prolonged is that she’s stubborn. Because she has refused to talk to me. To let me explain what happened the night of my birthday. Explain what Krista did. But that stubbornness was born out of fear and doubt I caused, intentional or not.
If I were a better man, I’d let her go. But it’s been months, and that is as unthinkable now as it was when she left. It’s why I need that recording. She’s convinced herself that it’s Krista I want, and she’s a consolation prize. She should know without question how I feel, but I failed her. I should’ve shown her every second of every day exactly what she meant to me. The bullshit lines about our ages, her brother… none of it should’ve passed my lips.
She’s never told me that’s what she thought, but I know. Because of that, she will never believe me if I tell her otherwise, but if she hears me telling Krista and hears Krista’s confession—hears that I never approached Krista, never wanted her, and nothing happened… It’s all I’ve got, and I need it fast. Before she marries that idiot in whatever scheme she’s hatched in her brain because I know it ain’t love.
I was a coward. Afraid to get hurt. Afraid to realize Krista was right, and I’d never be enough for anyone. Terrified to give her all of me and have her me away. Except she got all of me, anyway. It didn’t matter if I said it; it was still the truth. She fucking owns me.
I’ve hurt us both because I wasn’t a better man. And I’ll probably fuck up many times in our lives, but never again will I let her believe she’s not everything. I’ll shout it from the rooftops and paint it in the sky if I have to, which I’m starting to believe I might.
When she finishes the song, I can see the glittering of unshed tears in her eyes. It was one of the two originals the band—not the one with the ogling drummer—learned during their rehearsals today. The captivated audience sets off a round of applause, though subdued by the high emotion of the song.
I’ve stood off to the side the entire performance, watching how they move together and how well they gel with each other. And I’ve been just as entranced as the audience through this song and the two covers before. My girl’s fake it ‘til you make it attitude shines, never giving away that she was on the verge of losing her lunch just before she went on.
She breaks into her last song of the four-song set, and the fire that captured me, mind, body, and soul, blazes as the crowd moves to the fast, sex-filled lyrics and her natural charisma as she owns the stage. Her ass sways as she marches across the stage, microphone stand in her hands, leaning over, belting out with the power and range of a seasoned professional. And even though I can’t take credit for her natural ability—it’s obviously genetic—my chest still puffs with pride, and a wide grin splits my face.
My phone rings just as the song ends. I pull it from my pocket and duck down a dark hallway in the back toward the offices.
“Yeah,” I answer with my back toward the main hall and shoving a finger in my ear.
