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Chapter 41
Nova
“Hey, I saw you over here yesterday, too and thought I’d come see if you want to go have lunch.”
I snapped myself out of thoughts about my future to see a handsome enough guy standing there looking half cocky and half unsure of himself. It would have been adorable for any other girl, but I was a bit too jaded to be charmed by the cocky, yet innocent act.
“Didn’t I see you hitting on someone else over by the tree yesterday?” I tipped my head toward the tree that was right in front of the bench where I sat regularly. He had seen me, but I’d noticed him, too. Mostly, I’d made up a story in my head about the girl and the guy who came to sweep her off her feet and treat her right. The excited way she melted into his invitation had suggested that they might be dating already or had been off to a good start at least. The fact that he was here today, trying the same crap on me told me exactly who he was and what he was after.
The jerk still had some kind of conscience though as a blush of embarrassment made his cheeks pink up along with the tips of his ears. “Um, I don’t know what you think…”
“Cut the crap. I’m not interested.”
A deep chuckle from somewhere behind me caused us both to look and there was Kip with a basket in his hands and the biggest, dopiest grin on his face.
“Kip?”
“Nova,” he called back as his eyes twinkled with humor. That was before they turned menacing as he switched his attention to the would-be player who stupidly still stood there, mouth agape, watching Kip like he was his hero. “You heard the lady. She didn’t fall for your lame ass game, so get gone.”
“You’re with the Savage Vipers?” He asked.
I didn’t bother answering as Kip took the seat beside me. Instead, I moved the bag carrying my books off the bench and tucked it down between my feet, while I put one on top of a strap for good measure, so no one could try to easily snatch it up. Not that they could, but after everything that happened, my paranoia was still riding me pretty hard.
Kip huffed and the boy took off in the opposite direction. “You’re looking good. Healthy,” he said to me as he lifted an envelope off the top of the basket.
“What are you doing here?”
“Brought you lunch.”
“Thank you, but that wasn’t necessary.”
Kip shook his head. “It’s not from me.”
“Then I don’t want it.”
“Read this, then I’ll go, and you can do whatever you want with your lunch.”
It was my turn to huff in frustration. I took the envelope from him, knowing it was the only way I’d get him to leave. When I opened it up, my eyes remained on my fingers instead of the words that were written in blocky text on the page. Part of me was curious. Anyone would be. The other part of me was not interested in the least in what my cheating ex, and barely that, had to say. We weren’t together long enough that he should matter so much. I should have been able to keep him off my mind, and now, he was here in spirit to torment me into thinking about him again.
Nova,
I’m sorry.
There’s no flowery way to say that, and it wouldn’t be believable if I tried anyway. I fucked up again and I knew it even as I was doing it.
I’m sorry for the bullshit way I tried to win you back in the beginning, too. It didn’t feel genuine, and I came off looking like a royal fucking dick. I’d like to tell you it was nerves, but fuck, it was just sheer stupidity.
That’s what I get for never dating before you. I don’t know how to do all the romance and shit.
I couldn’t help chuckling at that line as I rolled my eyes. Writing ‘romance and shit’ in an apology letter proved his point for him, but he was right, it did at least sound genuine that time. Though, I disagreed about him knowing how to romance someone. He’d taken me on dates that I still dreamed about, which felt like a betrayal to myself.
I’m sorry for fucking up and not remaining faithful. I could tell you I had doubts about what I did - because it’s true, but it wasn’t enough to stop me, so my doubts meant nothing. I thought I needed something that you would never be able to give me. Something I would never be able to ask you for, is more like it. You were the beautiful, innocent angel in bad t-shirts that I fell for. My brain could not compute wanting you to one day be the mother of my children and sticking a butt plug with a cat-o-nine tails attached to it up your ass.
I cringed at the imagery. How could he think reminding me of seeing him with other people like that would make me want to keep reading? Breakneck was an idiot.
I’m sorry that I didn’t realize you were a dynamic person and that you had wants and desires too that I never bothered to ask about. I assumed a lot and fucked it all up.
I’m so fucking sorry that I lost you, but that apology is for me.
