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My gaze shifted back to Nova and her pencil fell from her fingers almost as if she could feel my attention focused solely on her. Good. I didn’t want to upset her but knowing that she still got flustered around me was a good sign. It meant there was hope - even if it was only a sliver.
I watched as she participated in class and otherwise pretended that I didn’t exist. When class was done, the cock-weasel that sat down beside her tried to hit on her and Nova stared at him like he was speaking another language. Then, she pointed to me and shook her head. I would have wondered what that was about but when the dick bothered to glance over at me he paled and took off without saying another word to her. I smirked, figuring she’d used me as the reason to turn him down.
Even after using me like that - not that I minded since it meant she was turning the punk down - Nova still walked by me without a word. That was fine. She deserved her little moments of rebellion. Still, I followed behind until we were outside and there was enough room to move up beside her.
“Brought you lunch.”
“I’m too busy to eat it.”
“Like fuck. I’ve seen you wasting away from starving yourself for school before and that shit ain’t ever happening again. Not on my fucking watch,” I argued.
“It’s not your watch anymore. Remember when you couldn’t wait to ship me back to Kip’s house so you could fuck other people? That officially ended your watch.”
She picked up her pace which was just silly, since I could outpace her without even trying. “Maybe so, but I’m here. Nowhere else, Nova. I’m right here.”
Her feet stopped moving and it took me two more steps to realize before I turned around to face her. “For how long?”
“For as long as you’ll have me.”
She shook her head, obviously not believing me. “And just how much of you ishere?” The hurt in her eyes was painful to see as she waited for me to answer.
“All of me, Nova. I promise you all of me this time. Whatever you can handle, and if you can’t handle something, then we’ll work on alternatives until we find what works for both of us.”
“Why couldn’t you do that before?”
“I didn’t think there were alternatives before. I thought it was all or nothing with you.”
“Well, then it was always doomed to fail because you never gave me the “all” part.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. She shoved the short pieces of her hair that had escaped her ponytail back behind her ears as I watched and waited. She was still so fucking beautiful and full of life despite all the shit life had handed her. Despite what I’d given her - a fucked-up, half-assed attempt at a juvenile relationship. “You were my first real try at a relationship,” I reminded her.
She rolled her eyes and shook her head at the same time. “You were my first everything, but at least I tried and made you myonlyconcern.”
“I’m not saying you’re wrong or that it excuses my behavior. I’m just saying that I didn’t realize we could have the more that you wanted. I thought it would…”
“You thought it would, what?”
“I don’t know, change me maybe, and not for the better.”
“I’m young, and maybe a little naive, but at least I know that a good relationship is meant to change you a bit. It’s meant to mold you into the best person you can be for your partner while still maintaining your sense of self.”
I nodded my head absently because my smart woman was right. That’s exactly what should have happened. “Know that now, beautiful.”
“What are you hoping to get out of this little charade?”
“It’s not a charade. Swear to fuck, Nova. When I thought you were missing, it was like everything clicked and it felt too late. It’s probably still too late, but I want you to know that I want to give us a real shot this time.”
“You told me you were going to give us a shot last time too and it didn’t exactly work out.”
“No, I told you I’d try and I fucking didn’t even do that much. I’m man enough to admit that. I fucked it all up before we even got started and that was down to selfishness and the inability to see what I had in front of me. I saw you, but I put you on a different playing field and that wasn’t fair to either of us.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Will you please eat with me, so I know that you got at least one meal today?”
“Is that what you’re hiding in that poser backpack?” She asked with the cutest little smirk painted on her face.
“Fucking poser backpack,” I mumbled as I pulled the thing off my shoulder. “Yeah, it is,” I admitted after moving us off the beaten path a bit, so I could spread the thin blanket out on the ground. Then I pulled out the collapsible cooler that had everything packed away in it and the thermos that had a smoothie made just for her. “Thought maybe we could talk while you eat, but if you want me to just shut the fuck up, I will. As long as you’re eating something.”
