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“Doesn’t matter. They won’t make a fuss.”
Breakneck helped me out of his truck and then walked beside me to the restaurant where he held the door open and allowed me to enter first.
He was right, no one made a fuss and we managed to eat our meal in peace without much conversation. When we were done, Breakneck through a wad of bills down on the table and got up. I followed suit, missing the way he used to hold his hand out for me and help me up. Not that I needed the help, but just that he’d once felt compelled to care enough to do it.
The ride back was just as quiet and by the time he walked me to the door, I wondered if he would follow me inside or find an excuse to bolt. I didn’t have to wonder long. As soon as I had the door unlocked, he leaned in and kissed me on the forehead.
“See you tomorrow,” he said before turning to head back to his truck.
While a part of my brain was stuck there watching him, my body at least knew what to do for self-preservation’s sake. I hurried inside and then locked the door, threw the deadbolt, and ran all the way to my room where I dumped my bag on the bed again. He just left after not even talking to me much the whole time. He said, “See you tomorrow,” and took off like he was afraid of catching some imaginary plague I had.
There was no keeping my eyes dry after that. I plopped down on the other side of the bed from where my bags had been tossed and curled up in a ball. He really didn’t want me anymore, and it was unfortunate that I was still some kind of obligation he was forced to cater to.
I took care of Knoxville during the day, and at night, I wasn’t sure where Ashlynn was, but she no longer bothered coming home that much. Kip had started taking the baby over to hang out with his Aunt Viv to help cheer her up. They always came home after I was asleep, and I only knew that because I was an earlier riser than Kip. It felt like he was avoiding me, too. Only that was hard to do because I was his nanny and he had to communicate with me.
On the third day, I flat out ambushed him before he could slip out the door to head to work. “Do we need to make different arrangements, so that someone else is here for Knoxville?” I asked.
“What? No. Why in the hell would you ask me that?”
“Well, you’ve been avoiding me, I thought maybe you just didn’t know how to let me down easily. It’s not unexpected, so if that’s the case, just go ahead and tell me. I hate this. I hate feeling isolated like everyone’s afraid to be around me and talk to me. I had enough of that after my family tossed me out. Please, if that’s what is happening, just tell me.”
I’m ashamed to say that I was a weepy, begging mess by the end of it and Kip pulled me into his arms to hold me until I managed to get my shit together again.
“Swear to fuck, Nova, I am not firing you. Not ignoring you, either. There’s shit going down at work and for the first time in a while, it has nothing to do with the assholes who have been fucking with you. We’re dealing with things going on in other clubs and trying to decide who needs to go to help them out, or if we even have the bodies to do so, considering we’re on the buddy system here. I’m the road captain, so it’s all on me to figure it out.”
He took a breath and then kept on going. “Then there’s the garage. We’ve been inundated with cars lately because the other garage in town shut down when the owner died. I think his kids are trying to decide if they want to sell the shop or pay someone to run it for them, since they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing. Meanwhile, everyone with a sputtering engine, or in need of an oil change, is hitting up the MC’s garage. It’s great for our business, so we can’t complain, but it means long-as-fuck hours and me being dog-assed tired when I come home.”
“Okay, I just didn’t want to be an unnecessary burden.”
“You never could be.” He hesitated a moment and then decided to just ask whatever was on his mind. “Is Breakneck coming to see you every night?”
I laughed in answer. “Sure. He picks me up, takes me to dinner, then drops me off, and runs like hell back to the clubhouse as fast as he can while saying as few words as possible the whole time.”
I didn’t catch whatever Kip muttered under his breath, but then again, it didn’t sound like he meant for me to. “We’ll catch up later on, Nova, I promise.”
“Kip, before you go, can I ask where Ashlynn is? Is she not coming home anymore because I’m living here again?”
“No, sweetheart. It has nothing to do with you. She hasn’t been coming around much because I was pissed off at her for refusing to go on lockdown with everyone else. She’s been running around without protection and honestly, I don’t have it in me to care anymore, except I don’t know how I’ll explain to my son that his mother ended up dead because she was careless and hated the MC that much. It’s her own fucking fault that she hates to go there.”
Kip shook his head, as if trying to get his wife out of his headspace the same way I’d been trying to keep Breakneck from settling in mine when he obviously didn’t want to be there. “Don’t take everyone else’s problems on your shoulders, Nova. You’re fine and welcome right where you are.”
“Okay,” I managed to say before he turned and left for the day. “At least that’s one person who doesn’t hate to be around me.” Talking to myself was a sure sign that I’d been stressing too much, but I didn’t have it in me to care.
~*~
The next day, Kip gave me money, a shopping list, and a prospect to go to the grocery store with. He took Knoxville to the garage, after borrowing his father’s car to get it done, so that I could shop without having grabby hands knock things off the shelves or a crying jag keeping me from following a list. I was thankful to be without the baby for this.
It was also helpful to have an extra set of hands with me to grab things, but only if they were on the same aisle, because the newest prospect would not let me out of his sight for a second. I appreciated his effort and planned to let Kip know all about it, too. I wasn’t sure how much weight my good word would hold, but I’d try anyway.
When I finally finished, and was ready to check out, I damn near had my own crying jag as I watched a couple laughing and joking in line about the silliest things. It made me wonder what life would be like if Breakneck and I had ever had a chance at a normal relationship before he decided he didn’t want me anymore. It took all the willpower I possessed to keep myself from crying in front of the prospect.
Especially when I wondered what people thought about him shopping with me. Did they think he was my boyfriend? Honestly, he was a bit closer in age to me than Breakneck, but still, it didn’t feel like we looked like a couple. I was glad for that.
It took another hour to get the groceries home, put away, and then I was finally ready to go pick Knoxville up. It had been four days since I’d left the clubhouse. Every night, Breakneck showed up and took me to dinner. Every night, he left with barely a goodbye between us and all I could think about was the stupid shampoo he packed up for me and the rest of the bottles that were still in his shower.
The prospect followed behind me on his motorcycle as I drove to the clubhouse. When I got there, I went to the garage first, because that’s where Kip worked, and I figured he had Knoxville with him.
“Hey, Nova! He called out when I opened my door. “I’ll put the car seat back in your car while you run in and get Knox, he’s with my dad in the office.”
