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“That sucks.”
“It does, but I had the club to fall back on, even then. You guys were sheltered from that.”
Kim nodded, and when her eyes met mine, I could see it there. It was the same look Mack gave me all the time. If I didn’t jump off the fucking sinking ship, their life was what I’d be dooming my own kids to one day.
“Fuck!” I growled as I tipped back my second cup of beer.
“What’s wrong?” She asked when I went to refill again.
“Besides me being a dumbass?” I asked and she laughed at me.
“Okay, I’ll bite, why are you a dumbass now?”
“We’re supposed to be finding fun and I brought us both down again. Come on,” I held my hand out to her and downed my third beer while we made our way over to where the music was cranked up. Then I tossed my cup into the back of someone else’s truck and tugged on Kim’s arm to pull her around to face me. “Let’s dance.”
Her beautiful fucking smile nearly knocked me on my ass as her hands came up around my neck and settled with her forearms lying against my shoulders. She was taller than I was used to, but I liked that a lot because all she had to do was tip her head up just so, and I could lean in and take her lips with mine. If I didn’t have a girlfriend, that was exactly what I would have done.
“You look beautiful tonight,” I told her as we swayed there in the field next to other couples doing the same thing. They were luckier than I was, since they weren’t limited in how much they could touch.
“Thank you,” she whispered into my shoulder, while trying to hide another of her blushes that really wouldn’t have been noticeable in the dim light anyway. We were far enough away from the fire that shadows danced over our features as we moved.
It felt like a fucking dream, all swirling shadows, muffled sounds of other people talking just under the notes of the music that blared loudly from somewhere close by. Then there was the woman in my arms who I wanted in a way that wouldn’t shake loose.
I’d seen her that first time in the diner with Mack when we started prospecting together. At first, I thought she was his girl, but then he told me later that she was his sister, and I couldn’t stop myself from dreaming about wrapping my hands around all that long, dark hair of hers. I’d been sitting with June at the time and felt almost disappointed to turn my attention back to her bottle blonde look. She had been extra pissy with me that night and it must have been because she saw the interest flare for someone who wasn’t her.
I shook off the memory and took the liberty of finally being able to do what I’d thought of on and off for all those months. I slid my hand up Kim’s back and right into her silky locks. It was just as soft as I pictured. She tipped her head back to look up at me and I was fucking lost in her gaze. It was like the stars came down to twinkle in them just for that moment.Mesmerizing. Hypnotizing. Gorgeous. Mine.
That last thought stopped me from leaning in further and taking more liberties that weren’t mine to take. She wasn’t mine. The girl I claimed, even if not officially by club standards, was across the ocean and maybe pining for me while I was thinking about kissing someone else. Fuck. I didn’t ever want to be that person. The one who held someone’s heart in his hands and then squished it with a heat of a moment mistake.
I’d heard all about how my father had stepped out on my mom for years with the club girls. Most of the time, I heard about it from my mother as she screamed my father down when he’d been caught again. I swore back then that I’d never be him. I’d never make someone I loved feel that kind of pain.
Nothing about Kim felt like a mistake though. The more I got to know her, the more I liked. That was the fucking problem. The timing was all wrong. Everyone told me that I should break things off with June, at least while she was gone for the summer, so I could explore other people. I hadn’t regretted my decision not to do that until the moment I held Kim in my arms and stared down into her eyes.
“So fuckin’ tempting,” I whispered into her hair.
“Hmm?” She questioned, making the hum of her voice reverberate through my chest where her head rested.
“Nothing darlin’.”
We danced like that for a few more songs until I couldn’t take having her in my arms without being able to take more from her than I already had. If June was around and knew about the dancing, it would be bad enough. It didn’t make me feel the least bit guilty, but going any further would.
So, we made our way back over to the keg, only to find it was tapped out already. “How the hell did everyone drink so much beer?” I asked.
Kim laughed. “I can’t believe you’re shocked it’s gone already.”
“I have some vodka over here,” Tommy yelled from where he’d parked his ass on the tailgate of his Ford Ranger. We both turned to see him waving the bottle with one hand and tapping the cooler with the other. We walked over and Tommy grinned at both of us. “What do I have to do to get in with your club?” He asked as he cracked a coke, splashed some in a cup, and then proceeded to dump far too much vodka in it.
“None for me,” Kim told him when he handed that cup to her. “I’m driving.”
Tommy shifted the cup for me to take, and I did. “You could come hang around a bit and see if anyone’s willing to sponsor you as a prospect.”
“Why can’t you do that?”
“I’m still a prospect, not a member, so I can’t sponsor anyone or even recommend them.”
“Well, damn. There goes my in with the club.”
“Nah man, the first Friday of every month is open for people who want to come see what we’re about. You can head over and tell them you know me and Mack.” I shrugged before slugging back the drink he’d made me. Fuck that shit burned going down. “Don’t know what good it will do, but maybe… Otherwise you have to wait until one of us gets patched in.”
