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“I want to talk. About what happened.”
I don’t know if I can bear to talk about Sonia right now without losing it. But I will put that aside for Nate’s sake. It’s the least I can do.
I take a seat on the end of his bed. “Where would you like to start?”
Nate stares at me. His breaths are shallow. There’s a lot of emotion built up in him.
“You can say whatever you need to, Nate.” I’m so careful when I touch his shin, only to remember he can’t move it away if he wants to due to the temporary paraplegia.
Before I can pull away, Nate says, “You can touch me, it’s alright.”
I smile. Big smile.
He smiles, a tentative turn of his lips. “Thank you for being here.”
“Of course, Nate.”
He blinks. “I never thought you’d be the kind of dad who…”
I raise an eyebrow. “Who would sit with his son in the hospital?”
Nate nods and tries to swallow. “I mean, even mom has only visited the past few days.”
Clarissa has visited every day. And I know she’s worried. But she hasn’t been posted up here like I have been. Says it’s too hard. And as funny as it might seem, I can’t understand that excuse.
Of course, it’s hard. He’s our son. “I love you. It’s as simple as that.”
“It didn’t use to be.” His eyes fall to his hands on his lap. “Can’t you understand how confusing it’s been to go from my own father casting me out to you saying that you love me all the time?”
I close my eyes for a moment. Let out a long sigh. This is my own fault.
“I’ve always loved you, Nate. I just expressed it the wrong way. I thought I knew what was best for you. So, I tried to control you. And that’s not love. I know that now. I’m just sorry that it took me losing you to realize that.”
Among other things, Nate’s disappearance has taken a toll on me in unexpected ways.
I buried it down so deep that I thought I wasn’t feeling any of it.
The truth is, I was feeling all of it all the time. And the second I knew he was back in New York, I knew I needed to find him. To apologize. To fix things.
But Rome wasn’t built in a day.
“You promise me you weren’t trying to hurt me with the…” Nate licks his lips. “The Sonia thing?”
Just the utterance of her name hurts.
I shake my head. “Nate, I promise, I had no idea that she was your ex. I didn’t even hire her. There was no way that I could have…” The details don’t matter. “I understand if you don’t trust me yet. But I would never have done that to you on purpose. Never.”
Nate is silent, trying to size me up a bit.
I don’t blame him. “If you can forgive me for –”
“Of course, I forgive you. You didn’t know. Sonia, on the other hand…”
It’s not my place to convince him to forgive her. But maybe with time, I can make him see that she just did the human thing.
She followed where her heart led her.
That’s what I did too. And while it may have gotten me into trouble, I’m not sure I would change it for the world.
