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“Picked that up in California?”
“Dad–”
That warms my heart more than it should. He’s still calling me dad, that’s a start.
“Seriously, what the fuck are you doing here?”
“I came to see you. Since you won’t come to see me.”
Nate snorts. “Why in the world would I want to see you?”
“Because I’m your old man?”
“As if you’ve ever acted like it.”
“Hey–” I stop myself. He has every right to be upset with me. I wasn’t around. There’re no excuses to make.
Nate juts his chin forward. “Hey what?”
“Hey nothing.” My hand goes to my hair. “I know I’ve never been the most…present.”
“That’s an understatement.”
I sigh. “Your mom was always very protective.”
“Seriously? You’re going to blame my mom?”
Maybe a little?
“That’s really low, even for you,” Nate says. “She fucking stepped up because she had to. Because you left her–”
“You and your mom never wanted for anything, did you?”
Nate purses his lips and looks off into the ocean. Something tells me he’s much more comfortable out there than on land. Too bad he can’t become a fish person or something and swim away from me.
“Not in the wayyouwould define want.”
I understand what he means. There’s something of a numbing effect when you have access to so much money. You think you can use it to patch up just about anything.
I’ve done that my whole life. Ever since Clarissa told me she was pregnant. Just throw money at the problem to make sure everything’s okay, keep myself from having to, you know, face the way I feel.
Maybe if I’d started expressing my feelings earlier, my son might understand where I’m coming from just a bit more. “What areyoudoing here?” I confess I’m curious. “In New York.”
Nate’s jaw tenses, a clear indication that I won’t get the truth from him. At least not yet. “I wanted to be close to Mom. That’s all.”
I smile and nod. I know that’s not true.
Clarissa is as bad now as I was then. She chases after rich men to fund her next exhibitions. I know Nate wants no part in that.
“I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.”
“Yep.”
“I do too, for the record.”
“Well, I didn’t do it for you.”
“Not even a little?”
