Page 36 of Until I Keep You


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I look down at my lap, unable to hide the disappointment at hearing that from my own father.

“Kidding. Oh my god, Nate, I’m kidding.” His voice rises up an octave. “Shit, bad joke.”

That does little to relieve the feeling of darkness inside me. “I’m a bad friend.”

“You’re not, Nate.”

“To both LaneyandMason.”

“I’m a bad father, then. Which we’ve known, but–”

“No. You’re not.”

Our eyes meet.

I resented my father most of my life. Now, I respect him more than almost any other man for his capacity to change, his willingness to admit his wrongs in life.

I can’t believe I’m saying I want to be like him. But I do.

“If you were me,” I look up at him again, “what would you do?”

Dad leans back and puts his hands behind his head. “If I were a thirty-year-old guy with an attractive youngnurse–” He pauses. “An objective measure, not me implying I am attracted to Laney.”

“Oh god, Dad…”

“Just have to be clear, considering our history.”

I run my hands over my face. “You’re making it worse.”

“Anyway, if I were your age with an attractive nurse who was also a good friend, and I was spending two weeks alone with her in a remote location?” My dad grits his teeth. “Yeah, I think you know what I would have done.”

I whimper.

Thinking about my dad at thirty, with three kids all under the age of ten and an inability to think with his actual brain is not what I wanted.

“But you’re not me.” He smiles and his kindness shines through. “And we know this. You’re more grounded. At least since the accident.”

That much is true.

I used to be reckless, impulsive. Leaving New York at the drop of a hat for California as a fuck you to my dad.

Now…I realize life isn’t that long. Some people might see that as a reason to fly by the seat of their pants and be spontaneous. For me, though, it’s put my life into perspective. What I want.

WhoI want.

“My advice is that you should be careful. For one, you’re in a position of power here. And I may have done a lot of crappy things in my past, but complicating a power dynamic is not something I ever did with any regularity.”

“Until you met Sonia.” I smirk.

“I guess I deserve that,” he grumbles.

I laugh.

“For another…Mason.”

My heart drops.

“He has been your best friend since you barely reached my knee, Nate.”

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