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It was. They’d done a wonderful job. “Xen will paint this, whatever creation he’s envisioned and then the tables, the bar, the rocking horses,” I added, winking at Noah. “It’s incredible.”
Joel came in after checking on the horses and his face showed his delight. “This is purty as all hell!”
“They did a lot while we were gone, right?”
Before he could answer, Eli was hugging him. “Congratulations on the big win!”
“Did y’all hear?”
Noah bragged, “I knew you’d do it.”
“My men, there, asked me to give it up, and I reckon it’s time. ‘Fore I get my head knocked ‘round too much.”
Eli glanced over to me, then told Joel, “I think we’re all relieved, but only if it’s what you want.”
Noah was looking down at the floor, Damon had lost his smile and, like me, was anxiously awaiting Joel’s response. He gave it like Joel gave everything, his all. “I ain’t gonna lie and say I won’t miss it, but they love me. Iffin they done somethin’ dang’rous, I’d be hollerin’ ta beat hell for them ta quit it. Ya don’t ignore people when they love ya.”
Eli hugged him again, and Noah turned away from everyone, and I thought I saw him swipe at his eyes. Damon got off the stage and stood by me, and I could feel his relief. That didn’t mean we wouldn’t worry on it more in the future, but he was safe. Wasn’t it our jobs, as his Doms to keep him that way?
“That was beautiful, Joel, and true. They love you like crazy, and this place, you’re gonna be the star.”
“Nah, not me. Them. Look at ‘em! I got me some handsome men that wanna take care o’ me, and alls I wanna do is take care o’ them. Seems like it’s gonna work out jus’ fine.”
They invited us for dinner, and we followed them to their place after Damon and Joel put the horses to bed, as they called it. We had a lovely evening, talking, letting Joel brag on his big win. “That firstun, he was a mean som-bitch. I rode him out, though!”
“He did. The announcer was even shocked, you could hear it in his voice,” Damon said, puffing with pride. “Scared us half crazy, though. He actually called that bull a nasty piece if ever he’d seen one. Joel rode him like he was a tame puppy.”
Noah winked at Joel. “You did good, son.”
“Thanks, Noah. From you, that means a lot. I know…I know you was pullin’ for me.”
“We all were, Joel,” I argued, my fork dropping to the plate.
“I knows it, but…Y’all were nervous as a calf with too many tits to pick from, and I ain’t mad at ya!”
Damon took a long drink of his water and set down the glass a little hard. “I knew it. We pulled away your dream.”
Joel was next to him at the table and reached a hand over to lay over Damon’s. “Y’all didn’t do that. Y’all’s my dream.”
Noah stepped in then, gruff at first. “You boys don’t get it. Yeah, Joel’s been riding since he could walk. His mama set him on a calf when he was four, and from then on, that’s where he spent most of his time. I didn’t know him then, that’s when he was in Oklahoma, but she told me. I asked her about him, being he was so shy, and I told you all what that was about. His dream? Having someone to want him. More than just to fuck ‘im. He’s not lyin’ to you.”
Eli got up from the table suddenly, and I knew why. He didn’t want us to see him crying. Joel didn’t mind, though, as tears came down his face. “Joel…we just…we don’t ever want to take something from you that you love. It’s not the part of domination we were talking about.”
“Iffin I was to do…oh, them pills ever’one’s takin’ these days, and I loved ‘em, would you take ‘em from me?”
“That’s different,” I started to say, but Damon held up his hand to stop me.
“No, it’s not different. If we were to take up drugs or start to drink too much or race cars, like you, Burke, talked about one time to me, they’re all things that threaten our wellbeing. I would hope Joel would tell us no.”
Eli came back and took the seat close to me, making me face him. I could tell he’d cried, being his eyes were red and swollen. And still, he was so beautiful. My friend, who knew me better than I knew myself most of the time. “My shrink, he says I can’t have the one thing I want when my head’s not on right. Noah loves that part of our lifestyle, but he refrains for the good of me. I feel like shit half the time when Brian puts the brakes on it, but Noah loves me. If we never did anything painful again, that doesn’t bother him. Not like it would to lose me, mentally, physically, anything like that. If you guys let this eat you up with guilt, you’re not doing right by him. Trust that he is doing this for you, yes, but not because he wants to just please you. He doesn’t want you two constantly worried for him.”
“It’s about trust,” Damon whispered. “We need to trust him like he trusts us.”
“Exactly,” Eli said over his shoulder to Damon. Back to me, he laid a hand on my cheek. “He found two guys that would do anything for him. That loved him unconditionally. It wasn’t a condition of that love to stop riding bulls, it was worry and fret that you could lose him forever. If he’d have said he didn’t want to stop, you’d have let him, just settled in the fact each time he was on one, you’d be scared for him.”
“Well, yeah! It’s not like we’d have broken up with him for it.”
“Then it’s unconditional. It’s what he wants and what we all need.”
