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Theirjacket now, since the Pirates lost.
I lean on the wall. “My babysitters tonight?”
But Farrow comes out from the kitchen, shoving a drink in my hand. “Come on, we’re getting lit,” he tells me. “Weston won. Time to celebrate.”
I blow out a breath, looking down at the yellow-brown drink with ice in it.
“You don’t care, do you?” Farrow teases.
“I do,” I tell him. “I’m happy Weston won.”
I take a drink, tasting rum and juice.
“We’re going to be sorry to see you go,” Farrow tells me, moving to the windows to look outside.
“I have till Sunday.” I swallow another gulp. “You guys still have time to make me into a ghost.”
Farrow chuckles, and I plop down on the arm of the couch, grabbing a handful of Cheez-Its from the box.
“What are you going to do next year?” Farrow asks me. “College?”
I sigh, hating this question. They want our senior quotes and future plans for our captions in the yearbook at Falls High, and of course, I know what I want. I just don’t know how to say it in a way that doesn’t sound likeUnemployedorMoving to L.A. to be an actress!Everyone will assume I’ll be living at home for the rest of my life.
“If I go to college,” I say, “it’ll be because I’m scared not to. I know what I want to do with my life, and I don’t need a degree.”
“It’s gotta be nice, though,” Mace chimes in. “Having time to figure stuff out. My dad got kicked out when he graduated from high school, and I have to start paying half the rent when I do.” She flashes me a smile. “But at least he’s not kicking me out.”
I sit there, silent. I whine because I have choices? Everyone shouldbe so lucky.
Cheers go off in the street, and I rise, taking my drink with me.
“Seriously, you guys go party,” I tell them. “Go have fun. I’ll be right here. Upstairs asleep.”
Farrow just watches me.
“Are you sure?” Mace asks as Codi looks up at me.
“I’m exhausted,” I say. “I’ll see you all tomorrow.”
I head upstairs, away from their stares, and close myself off in my room. In a minute, I hear the door shut downstairs as they hopefully join the crowd. I slip off my clothes, except for my T-shirt and underwear, plug in my phone, and cast a look to Hunter’s dark bedroom window before I climb into bed.
But my head is working overtime, and I can’t calm down. Minutes pass, and then an hour passes, and I wish I knew what happened after I left Hunter and Kade. Did they start fighting again? Did they go home to their parents?
All I know is that I was right. I was coming between them.
I was the problem.
I know I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but it’s hard not to feel like I should’ve been more invisible. Should’ve disappeared more. Should’ve taken up less space.
Like I feel people want me to do at school, on the track, and…even at home sometimes.
Hunter and Kade need each other, because love may or not last, but blood does, and they’ll always be connected. I want Hunter to have him back.
I turn on my side, hugging the pillow under my head as tears fall and more time passes. “He said he loved me…” I whisper to myself.
I squeeze my eyes shut. I don’t want to go home without him. I should’ve kissed him more the last time we were here,in bed. I should’ve let him stay and smiled at him and snuck downstairs for snacks with him in the middle of the night. I should’ve loved him more and slower and harder.
The party continues, another hour goes by, music beats, tires peel, and Weston howls their victory. I smile.
