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“I don’t know,” I tell her, looking down.
“Where did you find this song?”
“I don’t remember.”
She’s trying to start a conversation, and I guess I asked for it, but I don’t want to talk like things haven’t changed.
I stick the straw in my drink, but she takes my Coke before I can and sips it.
She hands it to me, and I drink while she uncaps her milkshake and dips a fry in. “What colleges are you applying to?” she asks.
“I haven’t decided.”
“Are you going to Weston’s homecoming dance?”
“I haven’t thought about it.”
She eats. I eat. And we drink the soda while she dips her fries in the ice cream.
She inspects her burger for where her next bite will happen. “Do you want to know what he said to me?” she asks.
I stop mid-chew and clench my teeth for a split-second.
He. Kade.
I hear her swallow, and then she takes another drink of my Coke before continuing, “I loved growing up with you two, you know?”
Yeah, I know. She followed him, I followed her…
“I loved growing up with Hawke and Quinn, too, but mostly you and Kade,” she goes on. “We were the same age. Same teachers, same milestones.”
Dylan was born a couple of months after us, so we started school together. Got our licenses around the same time.
“Everyone idolized him,” she says. “Kade, I mean.”
I flip the top of the wrapper back over the burger, covering it, no longer hungry.
“He was always the first one to choose a direction.” She smiles softly, musing. “The first one to charge ahead, so before anyone even had a chance to decide what they wanted you to do, they were just following him.”
She dips a fry in her milkshake, and I feel his shadow descend like it always hovered at home.
“He’ll always be dominating conversations, the one everyone gravitates toward,” she continues, “because of that confidence. It’s not that he always says the right thing, but you just listen to whoever’s talking.”
I don’t need to be reminded of the power he has over people.
“He never has any problems.” She just keeps dipping her fry, lost in thought. “He doesn’t tolerate problems, and having his approval or attention makes you feel worth more.”
I swallow my last bite, crumpling the rest of my burger into a ball inside the tin foil.
“Knowing Kade is knowing he’ll always be the center of attention in any room,” she says. “And if you want to be in the fun, you better stay close or you’ll be alone.”
Yeah.Sounds about right. Everyone surrounds him.
“And you know what people liked about me?” I ask her. “That I looked like him.”
She chews and swallows, dusting off the crumb that fell on her sleeve. “He doesn’t feel like you, though.”
My eyebrows pinch together.Feel like me?
