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Holy crap. Kat’s right.This guy is exactly what I needed.
“It appears I’m farther ahead than I thought I was.”
“Now isn’t that refreshing.” His lips curl into a gorgeous smile, and it’s like being told you are moving up a grade.
An unattractive laugh tears from my very soul. “I can’t believe it.”
“Poppy. I can’t guarantee you won’t face hurt and disappointment in your attempts to get back out there. People, by nature, are flawed. But you seem to be a bright, grounded woman. I think your intuition will protect you. Just be careful not to revert backward. Don’t let every heartbreak or setback be about your husband. It’s easy to crawl back to that place when you’re hurting. It’s comfortable. You’ve spent a long time there.”
“I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll try to keep that in mind.”
Dr. Miller stands from his chair and walks over to where I’m seated. As I rise to my full height, he places his hand on my shoulder. “I think you’ve already done the work. But I’m here if you get stumped on something or simply need a sounding board.”
I’m so relieved. I should’ve done this years ago. “Thank you. I’ll take you up on that.”
* * *
“Hi. I wanted to come by and see you.” I look about, as is my routine, verifying I’m alone. Taking a deep breath, I push on.
“It’s important to me that you know I’ll always love you.”Good grief, Poppy. Don’t be so dramatic.I realize I can have these conversations in the privacy of my own home. But somehow, I feel closer to him here. Discussing important things in this special place gives me closure.
“I met a new counselor today. He said I’ve come farther than I’ve given myself credit for.” Stepping closer, I place my hand on Daniel’s headstone. “What I’m trying to say is, I think I might be ready to get back out there, Dan.”
My mind plays tricks on me when it comes to my husband. I want to know he’s still involved in my life. That he celebrates the good things, while sending celestial hugs when I’m down. But there are some things I’d prefer he wasn’t a witness to.
“It’s tricky, the thought of being with another man. But it’s part of life. Please don’t think I love you less.” A fat tear splashes onto the debris in front of his granite marker. Where the heck was that earlier when I was prepared?
I have to admit, I feel guilty for some of the thoughts I’ve had with Broadie. What I feel with him is different than what I felt with Dan. But I think Dr. Miller is right. That’s life. It’s messy and complicated. It doesn’t diminish what Dan and I had, simply because it’s different.
Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the pretty shell I brought back from Jamaica. It’s an odd appearing thing full of tiny pinpoint holes. Yet despite its flawed appearance, it’s still whole. It’s as if Mother Nature created this glorious, stippled appearance as a result of the life it’s led. Bouncing along the ocean floor. Beauty from pain so to speak.
“I hope you can be happy for me. I’m nervous about starting the next chapter in my life. But I want to live again, Dan. It’s time.”
Placing a kiss to my fingertips before transferring it to his headstone, I walk back to my car, feeling as if a new chapter in my life has officially begun. Opening my car door, I sit down and decide to find something happy from my playlist. Maybe I’ll pull up that Pitbull song from the bar that night. No, that’ll only get me turned on.
As I back out of the parking space and exit the cemetery, I notice a flash of movement in my rear-view mirror. Gently tapping my breaks, I gasp.
It’s him again—that young man. And this time, I’m certain he’s standing at Daniel’s headstone because he’s holding that imperfectly perfect shell.
CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
BROADIE
“Beatrice, could you let Jarod know I have to take my patient back to the OR? And ask him if there’s a chance he could see any of my patients so I don’t have to inconvenience them by moving them to another day.”
My schedule has been packed twice as deep as usual since I’ve been back. It’s to be expected I’d have to see more patients than normal to get caught up. The trip to Jamaica wasn’t planned several months ahead like most of my time away. Thus, I couldn’t make arrangements for one of my partners to evaluate them. They picked up enough slack for me while I was gone.
Normally, I can hit the ground running and quickly get things back on track. But my mind isn’t on my job.It’s on her.
While I’ve been tempted to reach out to Poppy, I don’t want to set up false expectations that I’m going to be that guy. The kind who calls every day, just to say hi. There’s so much to do, and now patients are checking in with post-operative infections that need to be addressed. We’ve only been back a week, and that quicksand Nick Barnes described is already trying to pull me under.
Luckily, I managed to get another set of flowers delivered to Poppy and her mother. Tuesday, my main contact at Cygnature Blooms, is going to think I’m off my rocker if I keep this up. But if I can’t take the time to connect with Poppy in person or by phone, this is the next best thing. Plus, I’m hoping to get a little helping hand from Sara with the most recent delivery.
I look up to see Beatrice standing in my doorway, a dejected expression marring her otherwise cheerful disposition. “What’s the matter, Beatrice? Ready to send me back to Jamaica yet?”
“Only if I get to tag along.” She laughs. “Jarod said he’d try to squeeze a couple of your patients in, but he has a Little League game to get to right after work.”
My head falls. That’s right. I remember last year he had two days a week he needed to be out of the door by four-thirty. “It’s okay, B. I’ll find some way to work them in. Even if I have to come in early and work through lunch.”
