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Ugh.Is this really the time for this conversation? What if he gets upset? Might as well get it all out there. “I had my tubes tied after Truitt was born. I just couldn’t imagine ever wanting to go through another pregnancy after that.”
Luca’s eyes connect with mine, his face unreadable.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I understand.” He kisses my temple again. “Jillian, I never expected to have a family. This thing with you and the kids completely took me by surprise. There was a time I thought I couldn’t be a good husband or father. I was spawned from the devil. What if I ended up just like him? But I’m nothing like my father. I’d never treat anyone the way he treats strangers, much less his own family.”
His arms tighten around me as he speaks. “Sure, now that I’ve met you. I can’t help but wonder what it would’ve been like.”Oh. This makes my heart hurt. But he has to understand. Three is enough. It’s hard enough now. “But you and the kids are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”
I stretch to kiss his jaw, nuzzling my face into his chest. Trailing my fingernails along the ridges of his six-pack, I wind my way up his torso until my finger lands on something familiar, and I bolt upright in shock.
Looking down, I inspect the tattoo I know was not there before. It’s the black heart Myla drew for my birthday. It has the same butterflies attached, a small turtle and even Tarzan swinging from a curl at the bottom of it. But this one also has Mimmo’s name and a little moon at the top for Luna. Tears come to my eyes as I drag the pad of my finger over the center, where Jilly is inscribed.
“Vita mia,” Luca says, pointing to the phrase inked in cursive above it. “My life.”
“When did you do this?”
“The day after I was released. I knew we couldn’t be together. But you were my heart. Nothing would ever change that.”
Fat tears tumble down my cheeks.
“I needed you with me, even if it couldn’t be in person.”
Falling back into him, I hold on and pray I’ll never have to let go. I sniffle as he runs his fingers through my hair.
“I’m going to figure this out, Cucciolotta. Do you trust me?”
“Yes. With my life.”
With all our lives.
CHAPTER FORTY
Luca
Shit,what time is it?Rolling over, I find the bedside alarm clock reading a little after six. At least I was able to get a few more hours of shuteye than normal. Cliff’s guest room mattress leaves a lot to be desired. But, then again, I only tend to nap there after I know the sun is up, and Jillian and the kids are at less risk. I mean, I need to back off and let Giovanni’s men handle it once in a while. At least until G finally says enough is enough and pulls them back in.
But sleeping conditions are far from the main thing keeping me awake at night. Their safety is all that matters. But I’d much rather protect them under the same roof. The joy I’ve found with the people in this house is more than I could’ve ever hoped for.
I lay my hand over the space where Jillian had been curled up next to me hours ago. Neither of us wanted to separate, but she needed to return to her bed before we fell asleep. It’s going to be confusing enough for the kids that I’m back and will have to stay even more hidden.
Sitting up, I rotate to the edge of the bed and wipe the sleep from my eyes. I need to let Boo and Midnight out and feed them while it’s still dark, so I can more easily move between the houses without being seen.Those names. Apparently, Cliff let his niece name them when they were puppies.
Tiptoeing carefully down the steps, I can’t help but grin. I never imagined there was a chance of being here again. We have a long way to go to figure out how to make a safe life together, but it’s a lot closer than I felt this time yesterday.
Once in the laundry room, I reach up above the shelves and pull down my shotgun. I should exchange this for my pistol. It’ll be easier to keep on me and not have to worry about the kids finding it. The shotgun should be safe at Cliff’s until he returns. Scratching the back of my neck, I decide to quickly clean up while I’m there. I’ll go back tonight after dark to bring my things over.
Having showered and taken care of Boo and Midnight, I quietly ascend the steps back to the guest room. Yet as I take the first step to the third floor, I hear noises from Truitt’s room. The corner of my mouth lifts, so excited to see little turtle, I can barely stand it. Jillian and I should have come up with a better plan last night. But I miss these kids so much…
I crack the door, peek inside, and Truitt lights up like a firefly. I quickly squeeze through the narrow opening, shut the door behind me, and run to his crib as he simultaneously bounces on the mattress squealing, “Dadadadadada!”
I clap my hand over his mouth. “Shhhh, Tartanuga. You’ll wake everyone up.” I chuckle. Pulling him up and over the side of his crib, I carry him to the diaper changing table and givehim a quick change before finding some clothes for him. If you had told me six months ago, I would’ve missed holding up in the suburbs, changing a toddler’s diapers, I would’ve sworn you were high.
Squatting down next to the crib, I place Truitt on his feet and put his hands on the bars of his crib to see if he’ll stay standing or return to his hands and knees as he used to. He twists his little torso and places one of his hands on my arm, remaining standing in place.
“Look at you,” I whisper, fascinated at how much more confident he appears since I last saw him.
This thought barely pops above my head like a cartoon bubble when I watch him let go of the crib and my arm, before taking two steps closer to me unassisted.
