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ENJOY A SNEAK PEEK FROM
MR. SECOND BEST
Melanie
“I’d almost forgotten what you smelled like,” I say to the gray sports coat draped across my lap. The subtle aroma of Jake’s favorite cologne still lingers upon the expensive material. Looking up and about the small space, I take in my husband’s clothes. I rarely saw him dressed in a suit unless it was for a work function. What a waste. That man knew how to rock a suit.
It’s taken me six months to get here. The few short feet from my closet to his. Six months since he left us. But I wasn’t ready. Truthfully, I’m still not. But I’m trying to force myself to take baby steps.
The next thing to go is the bed. The frequent washing of linens has removed Jake’s once lingering scent. Now it’s simply the torture chamber where I lay my head as I try to sleep. It’s time I donate this and try to reclaim restful slumber.
I’m careful not to remove too much of Jake too quickly. My children need the comfort of his things around them. And to a certain extent, I do too. But there’s a fine line where it’s almost painful. It’s a constant reminder of all we’ve lost. Then it doesn’t take long before the guilt settles back in. And I can’t keep feeding that. My kids deserve more from me.
Try as I might, I haven’t been able to make peace with how it happened. That senseless accident resulted from bad weather and road rage. Losing Jake was hard enough, but the bitterness that he died arguing with an ex-friend before taking to the roadis the glue that won’t let me move on. That and the shame at what I’d said to him.
I’m mad at everyone involved. Including him. How could he have put himself in that situation? In any situation, that would’ve taken him from his family.
“Mel, you here?” I jump at Huggie’s voice bellowing from downstairs. He’s had a key for years but is usually very respectful about using it. Jake may have just given it to him since he was here so often. It comforts me that Huggie can be here at a moment’s notice to help if something happens.
“I’m upstairs.”
Moments later, my sweet friend looks down at me as I sit on the floor of Jake’s closet, several of my husband’s things folded and stacked next to me. “Here you are. What’re you doing?”
“It was time.” I shrug.
The six-foot-two muscled firefighter lowers himself onto the closet floor and mimics my stance as I sit criss-cross applesauce, almost making me smile. “You need any help?”
This man has been my rock. The night he came to my door will permanently be etched in my mind. I was already reeling from the day’s events. Angry that Jake had disappointed Seth. Mad he hadn’t called. Then anxious about confronting him at the bar. So my mind instantly jumped to what I thought was the worst-case scenario. What I’d give to trade our current situation for the possibility of a marital separation.
I can still hear Huggie pleading with me to understand what happened.
“Mel. He was in an accident. I’m so sorry.”
“What? What are you saying?”
“I don’t know all of the details. But Kat and Nick were leaving The Sports Page, and the weather was bad. They came upon an accident. When they identified the drivers, it was MarkSnow and Jake. Nick found him. There was nothing they could do.”
I remember his body engulfing me as I sobbed. Utterly speechless. I didn’t ask many questions about what had happened until later, too overcome by grief. It wasn’t until right before the funeral that I discovered that Jake and Mark had been arguing, and road rage played a part.
Mark had been a friend for years until his actions caused a split from the rest of our group. Why he chose to be there that night, I’ll never know. He knew his presence wasn’t wanted. He’d done too much to shatter friendships, and we’d all kept our distance.
I don’t understand where the case against Mark is these many months later. While he’d survived the accident, he’s been in and out of rehabilitation due to a spinal cord injury he suffered because of it. I try to make regular visits to our friend Munish’s office. He’s been looking into the case pro bono. However, if it becomes a civil case, that will change. For now, I’m simply grateful for his input. He loved Jake too. And I trust him.
Some days I’m filled with rage at how my life has changed. I want Mark to pay for what he’s done to our family. Other times, I’m so filled with self-loathing over my behavior that fateful day that I feel the only guilty party is me.
“What are you planning to do with all of this?” Huggie asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“Donate it.” I immediately regret being so insensitive. “Huggie, I’m sorry. I never thought to ask before. Was there anything you wanted?” His eyes flash to meet mine, and I witness an odd grimace.
“No, Mel. Jake was my best friend.” He stops speaking and runs his hand along the sleeve of the sports coat draped across my lap. “What I want, I can’t have.”
I get it. I want him back, too.
“I dropped by because the station is having a pancake dinner tonight. It’s the yearly fundraiser. I wanted to see if you and the kids wanted to come.”
“Oh, that’s right. The kids would love that. Pancakes for dinner would be enough on its own, but add eating them at the fire station…” I force a laugh. Looking at the oversized closet, I know I’ll never put a dent in this if I go.
