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I didn’t have many friends, and I had no friends in Los Angeles. I realized that I didn’t feel lonely as I walked alone on the beach. I didn’t want friends, I wanted good friends. Where else would I find the good and loyal ones? I did partnerships. I would always, always put family first— and I considered my closest friends and partners to be family. I think I was doing alright.
As evening came closer, I received another text. She would have to meet me at the concert, with our tickets. Her friend rescued me and drove me over to her. I forget the name of the place, but as we stepped out into our seats, I got hit with vertigo. The staircase dropped steeply, and I felt if I leaned over from my seat, I might fall head over heels to the floor. I can’t say I wasn’t a tad bit grateful that I had to book it after a half hour. Unfortunately, I realized I had no way to get to the airport. Take my car, she said. You can drive stick, yes? I had directions printed on a piece of paper, and I scrambled madly to find her car.
Then I couldn’t find the car. I texted her, desperate, as I didn’t have that much time to get to my flight. She finally came out and we both found it together. Her rickety car sprang to life, as I turned the key. I looked at it in disbelief. I drove quickly, praying that it wouldn’t fall apart on me. The paper slipped out of my lap, as I sped down the highway. I drove the rest of the way, from memory, and somehow, I don’t know how it happened, I arrived at the airport. I frantically drove round the airport, and managed, again, to find the right parking garage, right across from where I needed to check in. I’m already late, but I ran inside, anyway. My guardian angel, in her ever-loving care, had delayed my flight. I ran again to my gate, sank into my seat, and thanked everything I could think of.
I’d seen Laura for all of an hour, but, hey, I got out of the apartment.That counts as a win, right?Finally, long after midnight, I fell on top of my bed into a deep sleep.
* * *
May 17
Alright,David’s plan worked. She snapped me out of my funk. I’d wasted too much time already, nor could I worry about how much time I had wasted. Sunk cost. I’d wasted a month, what, would I waste another? I might remember the past, in order to best move forward, but I couldn’t afford to wallow in the past. Better to worry about the present and, to some extent, the future.
I offered to take a pay cut and to actively raise money. I could run crowdfunding projects for our clients, etc. It trickled in, at first, but as we grew and gained credibility, the investment sums became larger. I stepped up in every other way possible. Funding, as with any startup, remained our main concern. We had acquired a few new clients. I actively took a role in our fundraising efforts and did my best to head every initiative possible. I closed my first angel investor deal for the company and felt quite pleased with myself.
We moved through a series of potential, over the next few weeks, until we settled on this promising new project that could lead us to real stability, not the prospective stability like before. I broke further out of my shell. I had to, in these circumstances. I became the face of the company. The first impression. I faked confidence, and it turned out, faking it is indeed making it. I grew to love the glitzy networking evenings, flinging out business cards like confetti, and rubbing my sore feet each night before I crashed.
I learned more, faster. I learned subtleties of leadership. I learned to manage meetings (first rule of meetings, always have a reason to meet that can’t be accomplished through email or phone calls). I learned when to recognize the tone of someone ready for a phone call or meeting to be done.
I had to put together my team. Good things tend to do that, if you’re patient. Bad things happen simultaneously, but they’re easier to manage when good happens, too. That took some time to arrange. I learned from my mistake of hiring young and unreliable. We searched and found good, solid experienced team members.
I remember the first meeting I held. I pretended I knew how to lead. Fake it till you make it— and then keep faking it and keep making it. It took place at our headquarters. I had about as little clue as I do, six years later, but I learned that is normal. I had set up a conference call with members of our internal team, plus I spoke with professionals from across the country. Most of the people in the meeting were ten to fifteen years older than me.
Over the next few months, I would lead our Vegas team the best I could.
I wasn’t born yesterday, but I’d picked up a few things. I understand far more about starting a business, after helping others start theirs, than I ever had. It’s different, of course. The difference between caring for a child and raising your own. It’s different when your baby there, with you, every moment of every day.
So, I worked seemingly all the time. I stayed in contact with Sissy as my mentor. Sissy showed me particular respect and encouragement. I still felt like she was my employee and my mother at the same time. I didn’t mind. I liked the combination of encouragement and support.
David and Laura remained, as ever, my rock and steady support. They traveled to Vegas to see me, sometimes together, sometimes apart. Dee and I continued growing our intimate friendship. Albeit slower – she got sucked into a case that seemed to drain her as much as it drained her time, so I didn’t see her as much as I wanted to. I got used to early ramen dinners and picnics and late-night pool and hot tub times. I found being loved by three people very intoxicating.Can I live this way? Maybe.I’ll figure it out. I’ve got three people who understand me.I’m not in this alone. I am definitely not in this alone.
* * *
June 6, 11:00pm
“What doyou think about this party idea?” David asks.
We’re lounging in bed after a long day at the office, followed by dinner, hot tubbing and a threesome. Laura’s and my limbs are still intertwined. She’s nuzzling the nape of my neck and breathing deeply in her sleep. It was just a little while ago that he took her against the night-time lights of Vegas reflected in his bedroom window. I woke up to the sights and sounds of that. And it was a while earlier that I was feeling him inside me while feeling Laura’s breasts in my face, her arms on my back, and her feeling my body being forced against her. Over and over and over. It rubbed her the right way, because she climaxed from that, and hearing her, my mind exploded.Why does it feel so much more intense when I hear and feel her? Is it only with her? I recall my forays into threesomes in Chicago. Only one of them came near to this level of intensity, but they were not like this. This is different.
He slides the laptop screen over. “It seems to be a private river cruise that promises debauchery fitting of Zebra and Giraffe,” he says. The invite indeed tempts with private topless party – pasties required – and an appropriate after-party.
“Should be fun,” I say, feeling Laura adjust her head on me. It seems like she nods her agreement right in her sleep. He closes the laptop, puts it away for the night, and slides over to us, somehow managing to wrap himself around both of us. It feels so warm, so safe, and so, right. And with that feeling, I drift back to sleep.
* * *
June 21, 6:00pm
We metLaura at the airport. She booked a flight that connected in Vegas, so that the three of us could sit together on the flight to Chicago. Planes are always cold for me, so I always wear a coat that I can use as a blanket. And I always wind up falling asleep as soon as we take off and wake up only as we start the descent. So, I get the window set, Laura takes the middle, since she is tiniest of the three of us, and David gets the aisle. We take off, I cover us all with a blanket, lean back against the window and stretch my legs across Laura. She leans against David and stretches her legs into me, with David’s arm around her. Under the blanket, I can see that his arm is resting between her breasts and his fingers reach all the way below her waist. I drift off to sleep imagining all the things he may be doing to her.
We land in Chicago and take a car home. The river boat cruise is tomorrow, so we have all day to play at David’s house. She’s never been, and David is private about his living conditions, so his house is a shock to her. “This bathroom is the size of my apartment in Los Angeles,” she exclaims at one point.
This is fair – four people can comfortably fit in his shower, and he definitely has all the plumbing to make them comfortable. So, while he orders take out from his favorite Chinese place, Laura and I immediately strip to shower off from the plane ride. We can’t hear the door and David finds us lathering each other to create bubbles when he walks in to let us know that food has arrived. Laura and I look at each other, flash a crooked grin, open the door and pull him into the shower, clothes and all. Food was not touched for a while, but I don’t think any of us objected.
The next day, Laura and I walked over to get the necessary gear from the party store. While we were shopping, I noticed a sparkly set of kitten ears. Not to be outdone, she picked out a set of spotted kitten ears. So, when David opened the door to let us back in, he finds two kittens giggling at him. One sparkly, one primal.
“Well, well, well, I see my kittens have been busy,” he said. It wasn’t that he said it, but his tone, amused and serious at the same time, made something stir inside me. Maybe inside Laura, too, judging by the look on her face.I’m not sure what just happened. And neither is she.But something just definitely happened.
* * *
