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Ooof. I think I actually might want a drink. Is there a bar nearby?
* * *
October 23, 3:30pm
Things I’ve Learned So Far
1.David’s ex is a narcissist.
2.David’s kids are adorable.
3.I really do like kids. This wasn’t just a fluke.
4.Being a mom isn’t that hard, I can do this.
5.Maybe I’ll have my own kids one day.
6.Because, kids are super cute.
7.David might have hired me for my brain.
8.Maybe I’m not stupid.
9.Don’t leave weed cookies out where kids can find them.
10.I like Cosmopolitans and Lemon Drops. I might be basic.
I don’t know what is going on with me, but something about coming “home,” or at least back to my country of birth has changed me. At least I want change. I loved the last two years, please don’t get me wrong. I’m lucky to have been able to live abroad, and, frankly, it’s given me an extra appreciation of the things I have at home (though I do miss the best parts of Thailand! It’s true, though, you can’t have it all)
But I also feel like I’ve lost a couple of years, while my college roommates and friends built their lives and careers. And what do I have? A lot of pictures. A vague ability to speak a foreign language that isn’t helpful for anything. And you know, this – kids liking me thing.
Anyway, I might as well go out and see what’s in the neighborhood. It’s a nice afternoon and I don’t have to make dinner for a couple hours. Also, I’m making oatmeal and pancakes with berries on top. It’s one of the few things that everyone will eat that has some nutrition, and it’ll take me all of ten minutes to prepare.
* * *
October 25, 4:00pm
This is perfection,I think to myself. I found a bar two blocks away in which I can plop myself in the evenings and unwind, maybe read a book. There’s hardly anyone at the bar during the week to judge me. Maybe I’ll go tonight.
Right now, I have a break and I can eat cookies from this delicious Greek bakery that’s also just two blocks away. I’m not sure what they are, but they taste like honey and have a wonderfully chewy consistency.
I think I’m getting a handle on this, as I wrap up my first month. Looking forward to the weekend, though it’s been fairly straightforward so far. I’ve figured out some simple dinners that make everyone happy. Their dad and I aren’t picky, fortunately. All three kids like different, conflicting foods (one hates chicken, the other won’t eat anything but chicken and heaven forbid anything green touches her plate), but I’ve found ways around this that don’t drive me crazy. Which meant this week was mostly pasta, hot dogs, hamburgers, and one pizza takeout. But they absolutely went nuts over my breakfast for dinner,so that’s gonna be a regular staple from now on, I think.
The kids are pleasant and eager to make me their new friend. Up until now, at least, I’ve been able to know what they want and do it (within reason). I teased the one kid, saying, “Can I pinch your patootie?” And the kid responded, “No, it’s closed.” So, I respected their boundary and did not pinch said patootie.
I am Mary Poppins. Or at least I tell myself. I may not be dressed the part, butyoutry wrangling rambunctious three-year-old twins in a suit.Yoga pants are a wonderful human invention. Mary Poppins must have worn yoga pants, too.I know I’m not a mythical storybook character, but it helps to have something to strive for on the far horizon. To keep myself focused and mindful.
I suppose I’m lucky to have something I feel confident about. Being a mother, a father, a caregiver isn’t some sort of blessing that falls upon someone when a child enters their life. Maternal instinct? Hah. I’ve already seen this with my friends. Some of themarerays of sun. Some of us are born with a tendency towards understanding children.
But this idea that we magically know what to do with children? Whatever. My parents didn’t. I love them, but they were terrible parents. I raised my sister. I’m not even sure that theyhad her planned.
Some ofmyfriends? Freely acknowledge they can’t be trusted with a plastic plant. The ones that wouldnotbe jumping with joy if a stork dropped a random baby in their arms, like in this stupid movie I watched once (Seriously, who ispleasedto have a baby dumped in their lives out of nowhere?
Ah, well, I’ll never have any mathematical ability and that doesn’t make me any less of a human being. Why should one’s ability to nurture a miniature human being define their worth as a person?
But since Iamgood at this, I feel pretty good about myself right now. Everyone’s always told me I’m good with kids, at least that’s what I’ve taken out of the fact everyone wants me to watch theirs. I’ve had enough experience by now, though I have none of “my own,” that I’ve already made a lot of the mistakes new parents do. Such as that time I allowed recently mobilized two-year-old twins access to the outside world, without another adult as backup! I was babysitting the twins in high school. Brought them to the park, unsnapped them from their stroller— and one beelined for the slides and the other beelined for the street! Fortunately for me, the street was an empty one that cars never drove on…but I still learned my lesson. We stayed indoors for a while, until I was better able to handle their newfound freedom.
The only tiny thing I might have messed up on was that my lovely friend I met at the bar gave me some special cookies. I don’t normally partake, but you know what, there’s a lot worse I could do. And I thought it could be good stress relief. Only wandering fingers decided to explore my purse. Thank God they’re too young to be sneaky (they still hide behind the curtains in hide and seek. Kid, I canseeyour feet poking out.). I hear,
