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My heart dropped as he started kissing his way down my still naked body.
I put my hands on his neck trying to stop his movements. “Connor.”
He pushed up on his arms so he caged me. “No, I don’t want to talk about it, Jenna. I want to fuck you.” He smiled again, probably hoping it would take the sting out of his words. “If you’re willing to help me clear my head, then spread those legs, darlin’.”
My legs were already spread since he was currently between them, but I understood what he was doing—getting my permission to deflect using sex.
Emotion clogged my throat as it became clear he didn’t want to let me in. He wanted to keep the status quo. I don’t know what earlier was about, but I wished he’d never made love to me because now I knew the difference. And whatever this was, it was a poor substitute for what I really wanted.
I wanted him to be vulnerable with me the way I was vulnerable with him.
But now I needed out of my head too, so I spread my legs farther and pulled his mouth to mine. If he wanted to use sex to escape, then so would I.
He broke our kiss and moved down my body, spreading my legs and plundering my pussy with that ridiculously skilled mouth of his. My heart ached even as my body rose to attention, desperate for more pleasure.
He brought me over the cliff two more times—once with his mouth and another with his cock—until I was too exhausted to think.
I fell asleep wrapped in his arms, my body spent from pleasure but my heart feeling like it’d just gone through a cheese grater.
When was I going to learn not to let my heart get involved?
THE LESS SAID, THE BETTER
CONNOR
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and like a fucking addict, I ripped it out in record time, a smile spreading across my face as I opened Jenna’s text. She was asleep when I snuck out this morning, too spent from last night.
Something I’d done on purpose.
It was getting harder and harder to battle the conflict raging inside me. A part of me wanted to tell her so desperately, to cut myself open and spill my guts to her because I knew only she could soothe the ever-present ache I’d carried since the ambush. But the other part of me knew she didn’t deserve to carry that burden. Those were my ghosts to battle, not hers.
I’d been holding her at bay, but the nightmare was unexpected. I’d had them for months after the ambush and before my service commitment was up, but I hadn’t had a single one since I’d started staying the night with Jenna.
Why it had to happen last night of all nights was a real kick to the nuts. I’d made love to Jenna and fallen asleep with her in my arms, more content than I’d felt in my whole life. Then I’d woken up in a panic—chest heaving and covered in sweat—with a concerned Jenna staring down at me. I hadn’t expected it, but maybe I should have.
Regardless, I know I didn’t handle it right. She wanted to talk, to understand, but I couldn’t dump all of that on her.
I don’t think I could’ve forced the words out if I even tried. Most days I felt trapped in my own body when it came to talking about that day, and the army had been such an integral part of my life for so long that it felt impossible to talk aboutanythingwithout coming back to it.
Which meant Jenna was getting a lot less from me than she deserved.
I knew it, but didn’t know how to fix it. Not yet at least.
The only thing I could think to do was fuck her so hard she was too tired to talk, but even as I watched her come—twice—I couldn’t ignore the tinge of hurt in her otherwise beautiful gaze.
Leaving while she was still asleep was my second bad decision in less than twenty-four hours, but there was nothing I could do about it. She was dead to the world and I had to get to work before Wyatt skinned me alive.
Ever since that barbecue, he’d gone from a chill and insightful supervisor to an extreme hard-ass who threatened to write me up if I breathed wrong.
“What did I say about personal texts during work?”
Speak of the devil.
I glanced up from my phone to find him staring me down, his mouth in a hard line and his eyes glaring. “Who are you texting that has you grinning like an idiot?”
His words seemed playful which was so incongruous with the look on his face. I didn’t answer him as I slid my phone in my pocket, which only made his glare even more glacial.
“We have a red carpet event tomorrow night. You think you can follow the protocol for a few hours?”
