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I look at her for a minute and realize just how much time I’ve wasted trying to please other people before I call out my brother’s name. Guess it’s time to pull up the big girl panties and deal with this.
He walks into my bedroom as I pull my suitcase from my closet. “You feeling better?”
“Listen. I’ve been seeing Ares all summer. Really, if I’m honest with myself, I’ve been with him since Everly’s wedding last December. Now you know. Tell Mom and Dad or don’t tell them. I’ll deal with the fallout after we get through the funeral.”
“What?” He looks at me like I just spoke gibberish.
“Oh wait.” I turn back around. “I also quit ballet. There, that should be everything for now.” I feel strangely liberated. Still kinda queasy, but that doesn’t have anything to do with finally setting my secrets free. I think this is growth, but it’s all a little too raw and overwhelming to analyze right now.
“Seriously?” he asks with a dopey grin. “You’ve been the dude?”
This time it’s my turn to be the one confused. “What?”
“You’re whose bed goldilocks has been sleeping in,” Nixon answers like that makes more sense.
“Listen to me very carefully, Nix.” I start stuffing clothes in my little, rolling carry-on suitcase. “I’m sick. I’m probably still dehydrated. I’ve lost seven pounds in four days, and I’ve slept like shit since Ares and I got into a fight almost two weeks ago. I need to get some medicine and a ticket for a flight to Maine. If you can help me with any of those, awesome. If not, I’ll see you when I get home in a few days.”
Damn. I really should have tried not giving a shit what anyone else thought years ago.
This is definitely underrated.
Of course, I’m telling the family member least likely to freak the fuck out. But still?—
“I guess get your bag packed then, and I’ll book your flight for you.” He starts to walk away but stops before he gets far. “Grace... Is he good to you?”
I hold back the crazy current of tears threatening to drag me under. “He’s the only person in the world who I’ve ever felt like I could be myself with, Nix. He’s the best man I’ve ever known, and with any luck, he’s forgiving too—because he deserved to be loved so much better than I made him feel.”
“You love him?” Nix asks with a crooked smile.
“More than anything in this world,” I tell him without hesitation, and my God, it feels good to finally admit that to someone.
Nix shakes his head. “Okay, then. I’ll book us flights up there. You pack your bag.”
“Us?” I ask, trying desperately to get my stuff together.
“I’m not letting my sick sister fly to Maine alone. What if something happens to you?”
“You don’t have to do that, Nixon. I’ve got this.” And I really do.
Point one for the new Gracie.
“I know I don’thave to, good twin. But that’s what family does. Am I booking the earliest tickets I can get?”
I love my brother. “I’ve got to swing by urgent care first.”
“Got it. Now, hurry up while I do this. Pack.”
“Thanks, Nix. I appreciate it.” And I do appreciate him doing this for me, but I also appreciate that he asked me what I wanted.
Baby steps.
Ares
The sun is setting by the time we get through everything that needs to be handled for the day. We made the funeral arrangements, ordered the flowers, and picked out an urn. It’s been a long day, and Mom handled it better than us. And at the end of it all, I find hersitting in Dad’s rocker on the porch, staring out over the view that used to bring him so much joy.
“Hey, Momma.”
She watches me sit down in the chair I was just in last week, talking to Dad about life and love, and my heart fucking hurts, thinking about it all now. “How’s everyone doing inside?”
