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She drops my hand and narrows her eyes. “Have I ever made you feel like you couldn’t tell me? Have I ever told you dancing was more important thanyouare? I’m struggling to understand why you would feel more comfortable talking tohimabout any of this than you would talking tome. To Mom. We’re yourfamily. We know what ballet is like.”
“Because deep down, this isn’t about you or Mom or even Ares. This is about me and my need to please the people around me more than I ever bothered to take care of myself. And it’s also about Ares—because he saw that. He saw me. The real me.The broken me.And he loved me anyway. And he forced me to open my eyes and see it too.”
“You realize this is insane, right? Ares... the god of war? He what... fixed you?” She laughs bitterly, and I’m not sure I’ve ever been so mad at my sister before.
“He’s a manwhore, Grace.” Okay. Point made. Because now my anger just turned to rage. “He doesn’t take anything seriously. Why, if he loves you so much, were you lying to your family about being in a relationship with him?”
“Listen, I know I fucked up, and I’m owning it. But if you say that about him again, we’re going to go from me feeling bad for hurting you to us having a whole different problem. That manis no whore. And if you really think any of the bullshit you just spewed, you really don’t know him at all.”
The wood beneath my nails digs into my skin from how tightly I’m holding onto the rocker, trying to keep my anger in check and my words quiet and even.
“Also, he didn’t fix me. He forced me to see what I didn’t want to recognize, and then instead of trying to fix it for me—like everyone else has done for me my entire life—he told me I had to fix it myself and then forced my hand. If he hadn’t, I would never have taken any steps to be happier.”
She doesn’t look like she believes a word I’m saying, but I’m starting to realize that’sherproblem to work through. Not mine.
“What exactly does being happier look like?” Her words are callous and so unlike my sister, I know I’ve struck a nerve and she’s hitting back. And I can’t blame her.
My actions started this, and now we all have to deal with the fallout in some way.
“I turned down the offer to dance in Philadelphia.”
“What?” She smacks the arm rest, and I wince at the anger behind that word. “That was the perfect job for you, and it kept you close.”
“Here’s the thing, I need you to think about what you just said. Because your version of the perfect job and mine are two very different things at this point. And again, I take part of the blame for this. You couldn’t have known how much I don’t want to dance anymore—because I didn’t tell you. I hid how badly I was hurting. How numb I was to everything else. And I did that because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. But you should have been worried. I was miserable. I was in pain. I’m pretty sure I was one step away from being sexually harassed by my director. And I didn’t tell anyone. But now I’m done, Evie. I’m done dancing professionally. At least as a ballerina.”
With matching tears pooling in our eyes, she swallows down her emotions and stares at me like she doesn’t know me at all. “But he saw all that? You let him see—but not me?”
“I didn’t actually realize I was letting him see anything. He just forced his way in and refused to leave. Refused to let me keep hurting. But I didn’t want to hear it. Hear him. You’re not the only stubborn Sinclair, you know.”
She slowly shakes her head, taking in everything I’ve said.
“Do you know your next move?”
“I do. I’m going to choreograph Lilah’s show and hire and train her dancers. And I get to do all of that from Kroydon Hills. It’s my version of a dream job.My new dream.” I sit a little taller, excited about this next step.
“And Ares?”
“He’s the love of my life.” My tone leaves no room for argument, but Evie’s still gonna try.
“The god of war? Are you sure?”
I’m not sure if she’s serious, but I don’t care. “I’m positive.”
“Does anybody else know?”
I shrug and close my eyes as I lean back in the rocker. “I think so.”
Bellamy steps outside with a little tray and three cups of tea. “I know. Caitlin knows. According to what you said earlier, Nixon knows too. And I’m pretty sure Brynlee knows something. Maddox and Callen are pretty clueless, but I think they have an idea something is going on.”
When Everly and I both look at her, she smiles and leans back against the railing, facing us. “Did you really not see the open window between the two of you?”
We both turn and look at the screened window open behind the table between us, then turn back to Bellamy in slow motion.
“What? Like we weren’t all in there listening? Cross and Ares heard most of it before Cross stormed off into the backyard andAres followed him. That’s when I decided it was safe to join you guys.”
“Cross stormed off?” Evie asks.
“Ares followed him?” I add.
