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Jen looks at it for a full beat. Looks up at me. “Why does it sound like you’re totally okay with how strange this all is?”
“Because I am okay with it.” I’m not, but she needs reassurance, so that’s what she’ll get tonight.
That, and a square meal, and a solid sleep in my bed.
“Let’s talk timing.” She takes the cracker and pops it in her mouth. “Maren’s C-section is scheduled for Tuesday. I say we really do our best to keep our happy news under wraps until after the baby is here. Let them have their moment. When they’re home from the hospital, we tell Tuck together that we got married. Dad too.”
I nod. “Okay. Do you know when your dad is planning to tell Tuck about the cancer?”
“I don’t know, honestly.” Her shoulders rise on an inhale. “Definitely after the baby. I mean, Dad’s going to have to get that surgery soon, so.”
My heart turns over at the thought of Tuck receiving the double whammy of the news of our marriage and Joe’s cancer. I don’t think anyone would handle that well. What does that say about me as a friend and a human being, that I’d put him through that?
I tug a hand through my hair. This pretend relationship’s barely even started, and shit’s already a mess.
eight
. . .
Abel
Come As You Are
Jenny sighs.“We have to think about Dad first and foremost. And this is what he wants.”
She’s not wrong. But pulling a fast one on Tuck, who’s already going through so much, is.
I’m already grimacing in anticipation of a punch to the mouth. I’ve let Tuck believe, like everyone else, that I’m always down for a good time with unavailable women. I let the world believe I behave badly on a regular basis. While I’m no saint, I’m not all sinner either. My supposed missteps have just become a convenient explanation for why I’m still alone at thirty-four.I’m not in love with my best friend’s baby sister, I just like my fun too much to ever think about settling down.
I get why Tuck genuinely believes I’m bad for Jen. And in some respects, Iambad for her. Just not in the way everybody thinks.
“So we’re going to be out and about holding hands before the baby comes,” I say. “Tuck’s going to hear about it. What if he loses his shit before we’re ready to share our secret?”
Jen laughs. “I think we can play it cool enough that peoplewill think we’re flirting but not necessarily together. That’s nothing too out of the ordinary.”
“Fair enough. But that’s a fine line to walk.”
“I can behave.”
I smirk. “My track record’s not great in that department.”
“You’re the worst.” Smiling, she sips her margarita. “I mean that as a compliment, by the way. You don’t try to be the good guy all the time, which I think is a really cool thing. There’s not a fake bone in your body.”
I frown.
“Oh, shit, you’re offended.” Jen stands up and puts a hand on her forehead. “I’m sorry. What I meant to say?—”
“I’m not offended at all. I’m just surprised to hear you imply that you thinkyou’refake.”
“It’s not that I think I’m fake. I’m just. You know. A people pleaser.”
I frown. “Explain.”
“I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember.” She shrugs. “Girls are taught to pay close attention to other people’s feelings. To put their needs above our own if it keeps the peace and makes everyone comfortable. You get a lot of positive reinforcement for it too. Everyone told me to ‘be sweet’ as a kid, and they praised me when I was. You know, when I was quiet in class, or accommodating in a group, or easy on my parents. None of that is bad behavior, obviously. But I’m realizing how bad it could be for me in certain contexts.”
“How so?”
“A lot of the time, I’m ignoring what I need to make that stuff happen. I’m ignoring my own voice. Half the time I feel like I’m suffocating because I need to do one thing, but I make myself do another because I don’t want to inconvenience someone else. Take the whole Brian thing. I’ve been too scared to ask him to commit. To be exclusive, because I’m worried I’ll stress him out or turn him off.”
